never have i felt what i'm feeling right now as i'm typing this and listening to the background music on my blog for a very long time. what do i feel?? it's hard to describe...a sense of peace, joy, gratefulness, happy, contented...in spite of the worries i have had today.
i do worry a lot as many peeps tell me...and most of the time...i worry for nothing..that's how satan controls me in a way...when i worry, i sometimes forget to trust Him as the description on my blog says. proverbs 3:5&6 is my all time favourite verse. it comforts me during spm, stpm, my grandpa's death, the 'betrayal' with my twin sis, etc...that verse is what keeps me going...to trust Him in everything that i do...
one thing bout me that i have always wondered which i have not yet found the answer...and if i'm not wrong..i have posted this many times in all my blogs...why is that i'm so friendly in a way?? especially with guys. i dont understand the reason why i'm so 'attractive' to guys...not attractive in the sense that i'm pretty or smart...but in the sense i'm so outgoing...some guys would say that i flirt...some guys actually call me playgirl...some even did say that i'm cheap before...
it is a burden to me at most times because of this outgoing character of mine. i tend to give guys the wrong signal and they start tackling me thinking that i like them too. but somehow...He will turn their liking for me into something good...something wonderful...
back in form 6, i had a few guys who tackled me...some were brothers in Christ, some weren't. in lower 6, i had this senior, daniel, who was sort of guiding me in form 6...he is a weird kind, the nerd (what most peeps would call him). he is smart and hardworking too...currently under jpa scholarship in japan. i still remember that he stalked me once...i used to call him my stalker...things between us got really bad and serious one day till his mum knew, our cf teacher knew...it was really bad. and the worst was...he couldnt study for his stpm because of me. i didnt hate him at all though...i just got freaked out. this year, he called me all the way from japan. and we sort of patch up. he asked for forgiveness and so did i. he is special to me in a way that God used me to impact his live. i didnt know how up till today...how did i impact him. he's now growing closer to God each day, trusting Him to take care of his studies and his stress. that's one thing i thank God for. from a terrible history, to a miracle future...
then in upper 6, a guy my age, andrew, sort of tackled me too. we were in the prefectorial board together. although he was a prefect, he's one of those michievous type. always finding for trouble but being able to get out of it. he said he was christian then...but had some 'complications'. he only attended cf once in a blue moon when i invite him. but that's the past. he did confess his feelings to me before and asked for a relationship, but i rejected. and he was embarassed with it till he kind of stop talking to me...in short...avoid me. but i still said hie and treat him as a friend as i've always did. and soon, he also did the same...and the friendship between us...is a wonderful one. he shares his stories with me and seeks advice when he needs it. the miracle part is...he became a true christian and was baptised in august. and now, he's studying in inti nilai, attending a cg there, and not only attending..but being active in it too...he is definitely growing spiritually...and i'm so happy for him...
in short, He used those 2 complicated friendship back then in form 6 and turned into something beautiful. keeps me wondering...will cs be like that too?? all this guys that i rejected, i have prayed for them when i reject them...and God did answer my prayer by taking care of them. it is my prayer too that God will take care of him too.
hmm...my dear prince's mum knows bout us already...and haha...she said the same thing as what my mum said to me today....'you go uni study or find girlfriend/boyfriend?'....not that they reject or what...but for my mum...i know she said it as a word of advice. that i will not get distracted in my studies. well...it is my prayer that he wont distract me from serving Him and i am glad to say...he's not distracting me...in fact, he encourages me...and i pray i will do the same for him too...to encourage him to do his best and support him within my ability...
thank You, Lord, for sending all these peeps to me, to show me that you are real through them. thank You for this character too that i can mix around with all sorts of peeps. i pray that i will know how to use this 'talent' for Your kingdom.
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