- 2sleepless night + 1letter to the person i HATE -

sigh...next time...NO MORE DOUBLE DOSES of caffeine in a day...it is so shocking that i once was able to drink coffee and tea like 2-3 times in a day and i still can sleep...but lately...a double dose of any of those drinks...will end into sleepless nights..not just sleepless NIGHT...but sleepless NIGHTS..and not forgetting the horrible dreams that i have during these sleepless nights.

last night..a scary nightmare...i dreamt that my aunt who's living with my grandma passed away...just yesterday, i went to my grandma's house to visit my aunt as she wasnt well. and that same night...i dreamt bout her living this world...how scary can that be?? not that only...another 17 more days (or 6days according to chinese calendar) is my grandpa's 1 year anniversary to his death. to make it worst, on the way back from breakfast with a friend earlier, we passed by a funeral...and i knew some of those peeps trailing behind the van that carries the coffin...can someone please tell me what is my dream about? or am i just being paranoid bout things?

and gee...i so hate that person right now...i know i shouldnt...but that's just how i feel...i'm not going to hide the fact that i HATE him...because i know too in my heart that it will take time to heal that wound...and Jesus will be the medicine for that wound. that person is such a jerk...that something important to talk is to scold me for not telling him something that i promised his mum and sis that i will not tell him. excuse me...i've been wanting to tell you because i know you are the person who should be helping your sister...but what can i do?? i promised them...and i dont intend to break my promise unless it's a matter of life and death...the sad part is...i knew bout it when death of an innocent creature has already happened. you said your heart hurts..what bout mine?? you know how difficult it is to keep this away from you for so long?? of course you dont...you ARE SO UNREASONABLE...and I HATE YOU!!!

for now...the only 2 person, my family and 3 things that is keeping me to cool down and not do anything silly to you is
1. God
2. my prince
3. my family (especially my mum)
4. His love for me and my prince
5. our love for Him and for each other
6. my parents love and care for me...
without these peeps and these things...i'd still be that monster you made me become and to be that girl i never wanted to be....thanks to you...my life was destroyed...but thanks to them...i've been reborn....thank You, Father!!

you said you swear to God that you'll never forgive me for what i did to you...but for all i care...it's up to Him to deal with you...i just want to get you out of my life...to vanish you from my life and thoughts...so...goodbye!!!