- dont make me HATE you -

please...i dont need a reason for me to hate Him because of you...isnt it enough for you to keep disturbing me? ive already told you...i dont want to have anything got to do with you...you have made me hate you and made me hate myself..isnt that enough?? calling my house phone in the middle of the night...what were you thinking?? are you out of your mind?? dont try to be pitiful with me because you wont get any...my heart is SO cold towards you now...i dont know when and how i'll be able to forgive you and myself for what happened in the past...i may say that it's ok already and that i dont feel it anymore...but i still feel dirty as ever each time you call me, each time you message me, each time thoughts of you appear in my mind...i SO HATE you...you make me lose focus, you made me dirty, you made me be the person i never wanted to be...the person i hate to be...you made me into a monster..a monster that is still beneath this girl. the past that we left...has left a scar in my heart and my life. you made me be involved so much with your family that it hurts...giving me more trouble of my own, thanks to your sister...making me not want to help others anymore...why does it still hurts?? why?? why cant i just let it go?? i thought i had...i thought i am strong again...but how wrong i was...i'm still weak as ever...you did keep your promise that i'd be the first person to know when you accepted Christ...in fact...you accepted Him in front of me...but did you do it because of me?? or is it really because of Him? you make me doubt your sincerity...you make me hate you for doing that..i just wish i could make you vanish from my life, my thoughts, my heart...i just want to live my own life...without you in it...not for now...not when my heart still hurts...please...just let me go....