in a few more minutes, i'll be off to the efcm youth camp in seri malaysia, sepang. will be there for 4 days and 3 nights. it's called life game, where we are at first 15 years old, then at every 3 hours or so, we age a year older, or something to the effect that we are living our life out...as though it's real...we make decisions in life, live with the consequences of it, bla bla bla...will update more bout the camp after the camp...
after camp, i'll be heading straight back to pj and will be celebrating new year there... whether i'll be celebrating alone or with other peeps...it's for me to decide i guess...lately, i realised i've been avoiding as many peeps as i can. even in church and outside of home. seems like i'm running away and hiding from something...or perhaps it's someone...i dont know
anyway, the apartment is starting its renovation today. cheryl's sister, amanda, is making another room in the living room. wonder how's it going to be like. more peeps in the house then... =) cant wait to go back there.
and yeah...cheryl got robbed on christmas day.... was shocked when i read it on keen keen's blog...it's the 2 nd time in hmm...one month? she was injured too, i think...correct me if i'm wrong, cheryl... =p hope she's recovering from it.
i cut my hair...and i HATE it...its short...yucks...
okie..time to go...hope i'll find what i want to find in camp and face Him somehow....and know the truth that i want....
DID THE KING CREATED TEARS?
did He created tears?
tears of joy,
tears of sadness,
tears of grieving,
tears of disappointment,
tears of hatret,
tears of love,
tears of peace,
tears of loneliness,
tears of betrayal,
tears of being lost,
tears of running away,
tears of hiding away,
tears of running towards,
tears of imperfection,
tears of blame,
tears of hurt,
tears of togetherness,
tears of tragedy,
tears of regret,
tears of gratefulness.
a mixture of tears.
did He create all these different tears??
tears of joy,
tears of sadness,
tears of grieving,
tears of disappointment,
tears of hatret,
tears of love,
tears of peace,
tears of loneliness,
tears of betrayal,
tears of being lost,
tears of running away,
tears of hiding away,
tears of running towards,
tears of imperfection,
tears of blame,
tears of hurt,
tears of togetherness,
tears of tragedy,
tears of regret,
tears of gratefulness.
a mixture of tears.
did He create all these different tears??
EXCITEMENT??
excitement?
to be excited for something, is something to experience for ourself...
anything can bring excitement
just a trip to a place
just a thought of our loved one
a touch on the hand
a smile on the face
a word or two
it simply brings excitement in its own way
the feeling of being excited is wonderful
to always wonder what will happen next
to be in anticipation for what's to come
to have sleepless nights
to have a big smile the whole day
to laugh, to have joy
but what if the feeling is gone?
would that person be dead in emotions?
no longer being excited for anything
not even a ride in the car
not even a smile
not even any events or occassion
not even a song
it is dead
when all emotions are gone
anger, disappointment, sadness
even happiness, laughter, smiles
when all emotions are gone
nothing is left but...
an alive person who's dead in emotions
as though the spirit has left the body
when will the spirit be back?
when will all the emotions return?
it's so empty to be without any emotions....
to be excited for something, is something to experience for ourself...
anything can bring excitement
just a trip to a place
just a thought of our loved one
a touch on the hand
a smile on the face
a word or two
it simply brings excitement in its own way
the feeling of being excited is wonderful
to always wonder what will happen next
to be in anticipation for what's to come
to have sleepless nights
to have a big smile the whole day
to laugh, to have joy
but what if the feeling is gone?
would that person be dead in emotions?
no longer being excited for anything
not even a ride in the car
not even a smile
not even any events or occassion
not even a song
it is dead
when all emotions are gone
anger, disappointment, sadness
even happiness, laughter, smiles
when all emotions are gone
nothing is left but...
an alive person who's dead in emotions
as though the spirit has left the body
when will the spirit be back?
when will all the emotions return?
it's so empty to be without any emotions....
ASUNTO MENOR (minor matters)
matter 1 - flooded malacca
malacca has been raining for the past 5 days or so non-stop which resulted to a flood in certain areas here. 3 church members place was affected. one of them, a family of four, is the worst. with two young girls, they are very devastated with it. the water was right up to the house roof top. they just bought a 2nd hand piano too and now it's gone. just like that. even my godsister's place was affected too. to her, it's fun..in a way that they can 'play' with water (so she says). good thing it has stopped raining...but the weather forecast predicts that the rain will start again.
matter 2 - wet christmas
due to the flood, the church christmas programmes has been cancelled. a few of them though. instead of a so-called 'white christmas'..it will be a WET CHRISTMAS!!!
matter 3 - future roommates
i'm so not looking forward in staying with my future roommates...at least one of them. made a mistake in bringing her to see the place. now that she likes it, it's going to be hard to change her mind bout it. she has a temper, doesn't like to socialise, anti-guys, used to be problematic too. the other one, i'm ok with her. the actual plan was for me to stay with her...not the other one. somehow, due to some reason, got stucked with her.
matter 4 - job hunting
decided to work next year. get a weekend part time job some where near by. will have to start looking when i get back to pj. anyone offering jobs in section 14 or jaya or amcorp mall???
matter 5 - house matter
house matter? dont quite know how to put it here...just that...the house is in need of repairs...got to SAVE, SAVE, SAVE!!!!! lighten my parents load.
malacca has been raining for the past 5 days or so non-stop which resulted to a flood in certain areas here. 3 church members place was affected. one of them, a family of four, is the worst. with two young girls, they are very devastated with it. the water was right up to the house roof top. they just bought a 2nd hand piano too and now it's gone. just like that. even my godsister's place was affected too. to her, it's fun..in a way that they can 'play' with water (so she says). good thing it has stopped raining...but the weather forecast predicts that the rain will start again.
matter 2 - wet christmas
due to the flood, the church christmas programmes has been cancelled. a few of them though. instead of a so-called 'white christmas'..it will be a WET CHRISTMAS!!!
matter 3 - future roommates
i'm so not looking forward in staying with my future roommates...at least one of them. made a mistake in bringing her to see the place. now that she likes it, it's going to be hard to change her mind bout it. she has a temper, doesn't like to socialise, anti-guys, used to be problematic too. the other one, i'm ok with her. the actual plan was for me to stay with her...not the other one. somehow, due to some reason, got stucked with her.
matter 4 - job hunting
decided to work next year. get a weekend part time job some where near by. will have to start looking when i get back to pj. anyone offering jobs in section 14 or jaya or amcorp mall???
matter 5 - house matter
house matter? dont quite know how to put it here...just that...the house is in need of repairs...got to SAVE, SAVE, SAVE!!!!! lighten my parents load.
KL TRIP ( 16/12 -21/12)
Sat (16/12)
took a bus up with my younger sister - met up with my elder sis at taman bahagia station - my cousin, leona, picked us up and sent us to the house in sec 17 - a total mess happening - got my dear prince to picked us up and sent us to my old apartment - shifted my things there - both my sisters went to klang (or is it puchong) to stay at my elder sister's room - went to jaya alone - shopped and spent bout RM 80++ for a book, gifts, cards - bought dinner from pizza hut for my apartment mates - watched final fantasy - slept while watching it halfway
Sun (17/12)
got up early - went to church where my prince also attend - was at star kids to see how they go about with it - met new friends - like this particular small girl, Xin Ern, 4 years old, always on her own - went lunch with some of the teens there - took lrt to amcorp mall - shopped and spent a lot (~RM 100) at amcorp mall - borrowed a book, bought christmas gift for the prince's parents, some beany bears from mc donald's, bought a wallet for the prince as well - took the lrt back to asia jaya station - walked to jaya to meet the prince - went to selayang - supposed to visit a friend in the hospital - but in the end, didn't - the prince stop me at some ktm - took the ktm to sentral and transit back to asia jaya - wanted to walk back to the apartment but too dark - so, took a cab back - went out for dinner with a coursemate - went to the prince condo to pass some things - and head back to sleep
Mon (18/12)
didn't really know what to do that day - supposed to find a place - but wasn't up for it - went to starbucks, jaya - sat there with my lappy - posted here - had to leave starbucks before tears started dropping - wanted to walk back to the apartment - but decided to go amcorp mall again - went to watch a movie there 'casino royale' - after show, went back to apartment - washed my hair - read the book - created a mess with the prince - cried to sleep
Tues (19/12)
got up early - went out with my apartment mates to campus - took my student bill - online at the ict lab while waiting for ker li and fong - took a bus to pudu - brought them to sec 14 to see a place 'millenium square' - walked to campus - settled ker li's payment, etc - walked to sec 17 to find a room for fong - ended up with disappointment - took a bus to sentral - transit monorail to sungei wang - didn't spend buying anything there - walked to petaling street - followed them for dinner but didn't join them - discussed and decided we'll shift in to the room in millenium square - went to find something important at petaling street - took us quite some time - after i finally found it, bought it, went our separate ways - they headed back to pudu for the 7.30 bus - i took a bus back - got my coursemate to fetch me on his motor back to the apartment - supposed to go on a date with the prince, dressed up - but didn't - he was there waiting for me already when i arrived at my apartment - packed my things, put it in his car, went for dinner - ended up at noodle house for dinner - we somehow, in a way, settled things - shifted my things to the apartment in sec 14 - had a wonderful night with the prince - after he left, talked to cheryl (my new apartment mate) a while - went to sleep
Wed (20/12)
got up early to let my apartment mate out - went back to sleep - got up, started cleaning the room and toilet, set some things up - walked to jaya to duplicate the set of keys - stayed in starbucks again while waiting for the keys to be ready - left jaya bout 4 something before the management office of millenium square closes - settled a payment for cheryl and inquired bout the access cards - got back, swept and mop the living room, kitchen, and the cooking area - took a bath - walked to sec 14 mamak for dinner with my coursemate -hurried to the prince apartment to exchange some things since my coursemate and i had to be back by 10pm - went back to apartment with cheryl waiting for me at the guard house - talked on the phone a while with the prince - talked to cheryl a while - then, she went to sleep, and i la di da... - slept
Thur (21/12)
got up - packed my clothes - went to pudu - bought my bus ticket - took the 11.30am bus back - reached malacca bout 1.30pm - my cousin, lesley, fetched me back home - and here i am...back at my home sweet home =)
took a bus up with my younger sister - met up with my elder sis at taman bahagia station - my cousin, leona, picked us up and sent us to the house in sec 17 - a total mess happening - got my dear prince to picked us up and sent us to my old apartment - shifted my things there - both my sisters went to klang (or is it puchong) to stay at my elder sister's room - went to jaya alone - shopped and spent bout RM 80++ for a book, gifts, cards - bought dinner from pizza hut for my apartment mates - watched final fantasy - slept while watching it halfway
Sun (17/12)
got up early - went to church where my prince also attend - was at star kids to see how they go about with it - met new friends - like this particular small girl, Xin Ern, 4 years old, always on her own - went lunch with some of the teens there - took lrt to amcorp mall - shopped and spent a lot (~RM 100) at amcorp mall - borrowed a book, bought christmas gift for the prince's parents, some beany bears from mc donald's, bought a wallet for the prince as well - took the lrt back to asia jaya station - walked to jaya to meet the prince - went to selayang - supposed to visit a friend in the hospital - but in the end, didn't - the prince stop me at some ktm - took the ktm to sentral and transit back to asia jaya - wanted to walk back to the apartment but too dark - so, took a cab back - went out for dinner with a coursemate - went to the prince condo to pass some things - and head back to sleep
Mon (18/12)
didn't really know what to do that day - supposed to find a place - but wasn't up for it - went to starbucks, jaya - sat there with my lappy - posted here - had to leave starbucks before tears started dropping - wanted to walk back to the apartment - but decided to go amcorp mall again - went to watch a movie there 'casino royale' - after show, went back to apartment - washed my hair - read the book - created a mess with the prince - cried to sleep
Tues (19/12)
got up early - went out with my apartment mates to campus - took my student bill - online at the ict lab while waiting for ker li and fong - took a bus to pudu - brought them to sec 14 to see a place 'millenium square' - walked to campus - settled ker li's payment, etc - walked to sec 17 to find a room for fong - ended up with disappointment - took a bus to sentral - transit monorail to sungei wang - didn't spend buying anything there - walked to petaling street - followed them for dinner but didn't join them - discussed and decided we'll shift in to the room in millenium square - went to find something important at petaling street - took us quite some time - after i finally found it, bought it, went our separate ways - they headed back to pudu for the 7.30 bus - i took a bus back - got my coursemate to fetch me on his motor back to the apartment - supposed to go on a date with the prince, dressed up - but didn't - he was there waiting for me already when i arrived at my apartment - packed my things, put it in his car, went for dinner - ended up at noodle house for dinner - we somehow, in a way, settled things - shifted my things to the apartment in sec 14 - had a wonderful night with the prince - after he left, talked to cheryl (my new apartment mate) a while - went to sleep
Wed (20/12)
got up early to let my apartment mate out - went back to sleep - got up, started cleaning the room and toilet, set some things up - walked to jaya to duplicate the set of keys - stayed in starbucks again while waiting for the keys to be ready - left jaya bout 4 something before the management office of millenium square closes - settled a payment for cheryl and inquired bout the access cards - got back, swept and mop the living room, kitchen, and the cooking area - took a bath - walked to sec 14 mamak for dinner with my coursemate -hurried to the prince apartment to exchange some things since my coursemate and i had to be back by 10pm - went back to apartment with cheryl waiting for me at the guard house - talked on the phone a while with the prince - talked to cheryl a while - then, she went to sleep, and i la di da... - slept
Thur (21/12)
got up - packed my clothes - went to pudu - bought my bus ticket - took the 11.30am bus back - reached malacca bout 1.30pm - my cousin, lesley, fetched me back home - and here i am...back at my home sweet home =)
MESSY KL TRIP
this time kl trip, it's a total mess and a few decisions made. why?
1. got 'kicked' out of the house because of our fault...we didnt pay the full deposit. so, he rented it out at a higher price to a person who wants the whole house, where as we only rent the rooms. a big disappointment which leads to emotional distress.
2. read a topic in utar cf forum that pierced my heart, leading to spiritual thirst, but not being quenched somehow, that leads to lose of faith.
3. lack of love and trust towards the big guy, which led to a tiring night of thinking...thinking of the mess in my life....and realising that i dont want to lose this one special person.
4. unfortunately i hurt that one special person...yet, i dont know how to say it....
5. friends? what the heck bout friends when you need them the most?
6. looking for a job for next semester...somewhere nearby where ever i'm living.
7. still looking for a place to stay...
8. decided to stop going for cf next semester...please...cf peeps...dont ask me anything bout it. when it's time to tell, i'll tell. dewgem-->i'll e-mail you bout it later.
9. respect vs. promise? i choose respect. thanks for respecting me for who i am.
10. head knowledge is nothing without the heart knowledge...just like a body without the soul.
11. clement-->if He's real, He will show Himself to me, right? i'll wait for that day...but for the time being, 'the greatest is love' has no meaning to me.
1. got 'kicked' out of the house because of our fault...we didnt pay the full deposit. so, he rented it out at a higher price to a person who wants the whole house, where as we only rent the rooms. a big disappointment which leads to emotional distress.
2. read a topic in utar cf forum that pierced my heart, leading to spiritual thirst, but not being quenched somehow, that leads to lose of faith.
3. lack of love and trust towards the big guy, which led to a tiring night of thinking...thinking of the mess in my life....and realising that i dont want to lose this one special person.
4. unfortunately i hurt that one special person...yet, i dont know how to say it....
5. friends? what the heck bout friends when you need them the most?
6. looking for a job for next semester...somewhere nearby where ever i'm living.
7. still looking for a place to stay...
8. decided to stop going for cf next semester...please...cf peeps...dont ask me anything bout it. when it's time to tell, i'll tell. dewgem-->i'll e-mail you bout it later.
9. respect vs. promise? i choose respect. thanks for respecting me for who i am.
10. head knowledge is nothing without the heart knowledge...just like a body without the soul.
11. clement-->if He's real, He will show Himself to me, right? i'll wait for that day...but for the time being, 'the greatest is love' has no meaning to me.
BLA BLA BLA HERE & THERE
i have a hermit crab which name is kay, named after my twin sis. kay use to belong to my twin sis..but because her mum didnt allow her to keep it, she gave it to me. will buy another 2 more crabby...one name zee and the other jay.
kay is so cute. when kay walks on my palms, the feeling is so different. i actually dare to touch kay...when i dont dare to touch a tortoise at all. kay is just so different. kay is my best friend now. kay knows when i cry, kay knows when i'm down, kay is simply the best crabby i can ever have for now.
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pj/kl sucks...hate the life here..cant wait to finish my 3 years. can i just give up studying??
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starbucks rawks...having a chocolate chip drink while using their wi-fi at the moment...can spend the whole day here....
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sick to the stomach with peeps who are not considerate...me included...
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i totally agree with 101% that talking is indeed more difficult than listening....refer to one of the post in the prince's blog....caring & loving someone is also more difficult than loving our ownself loving oneself is more difficult if that oneself keeps hurting themselves....
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is trust believing in something we dont see???
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why keep standing up and fight when each fall is harder than before??
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how to overcome evil with good?
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kay is so cute. when kay walks on my palms, the feeling is so different. i actually dare to touch kay...when i dont dare to touch a tortoise at all. kay is just so different. kay is my best friend now. kay knows when i cry, kay knows when i'm down, kay is simply the best crabby i can ever have for now.
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pj/kl sucks...hate the life here..cant wait to finish my 3 years. can i just give up studying??
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starbucks rawks...having a chocolate chip drink while using their wi-fi at the moment...can spend the whole day here....
-------------------------------------------
sick to the stomach with peeps who are not considerate...me included...
------------------------------------------
i totally agree with 101% that talking is indeed more difficult than listening....refer to one of the post in the prince's blog....
------------------------------------------
is trust believing in something we dont see???
------------------------------------------
why keep standing up and fight when each fall is harder than before??
------------------------------------------
how to overcome evil with good?
----------------------------------------
DISCOURAGING & CONFUSED DECEMBER
the month of december sucks to the max. it's suppose to the be a month of celebration, a month of reflection, a month of joy and happiness, but how wrong i was. it's the worst december that i ever had.
december is a total mess of plans, ideas, feelings and thoughts. disappointment, discouragement, sadness, endless sleepless nights, the tired mind, all negative.
yeah...trying to be positive...trying to cheer up...trying to have a different point of view bout things that is happening...did cheer up, was positive, did have a different perspective of things...but what for? just to stand up and fall hard on the bum again?
yeah..i do want an exciting life...a journey with Him that is so exciting and challenging...but where is He? where is He in my heart? why dont i feel Him? so what if i know the facts bout Him being there for me and bla bla bla when i dont feel Him? is my faith still there? do i still trust Him completely?
events this month are all a total blow at my face. someone said i was growing up...but am i? i dont get it. i'm tired...yeah...i'm always saying i'm tired but i still fight with it....but how long am i going to stay strong and fight?
i have already broken my promise to everyone in cf camp, to the person i love, to many peeps...that is just once after so long...but what next? thoughts of something worst comes to my mind often...so often that i'm afraid it will turn to actions. afraid it might come true...then what? by that time, what else is there to say?
can i end it?? can i put a pause to it? dare i think of what might happen after i decide to either put an end or pause to it? dare i lose that something and someone special?
can someone please tell me what to do and think for now? my whole life is in a mess at the moment. dont know what to do, dont know what to think.
december is a total mess of plans, ideas, feelings and thoughts. disappointment, discouragement, sadness, endless sleepless nights, the tired mind, all negative.
yeah...trying to be positive...trying to cheer up...trying to have a different point of view bout things that is happening...did cheer up, was positive, did have a different perspective of things...but what for? just to stand up and fall hard on the bum again?
yeah..i do want an exciting life...a journey with Him that is so exciting and challenging...but where is He? where is He in my heart? why dont i feel Him? so what if i know the facts bout Him being there for me and bla bla bla when i dont feel Him? is my faith still there? do i still trust Him completely?
events this month are all a total blow at my face. someone said i was growing up...but am i? i dont get it. i'm tired...yeah...i'm always saying i'm tired but i still fight with it....but how long am i going to stay strong and fight?
i have already broken my promise to everyone in cf camp, to the person i love, to many peeps...that is just once after so long...but what next? thoughts of something worst comes to my mind often...so often that i'm afraid it will turn to actions. afraid it might come true...then what? by that time, what else is there to say?
can i end it?? can i put a pause to it? dare i think of what might happen after i decide to either put an end or pause to it? dare i lose that something and someone special?
can someone please tell me what to do and think for now? my whole life is in a mess at the moment. dont know what to do, dont know what to think.
CHRISTMAS ISN'T CHRISTMAS...TILL IT HAPPENS IN YOUR HEART
Christmas isn't christmas
Till it happens in your heart
Somewhere deep inside you
Is where Christmas really starts
So give your heart to Jesus
You'll discover when you do
That it's christmas
Really Christmas for you
Jesus brings warmth like a winter fire
A light like a candle's glow
He's waiting now to come inside
As He did so long ago
Jesus brings gifts of truth and life
And makes them bloom an grow
So welcome Him with a song of joy
And when He comes you'll know
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singing this song at choir practice last night, made me realised that...christmas...really isnt christmas...till it happens...in your heart. some how, throughout all these years, i thought i knew the meaning of christmas...yeah..i may know the story of christmas...but the true meaning of christmas?? i'm yet to find out.
being a 2nd generation, most of us tend to take the things we know from the Bible for granted. as in, we have head knowledge...but how many of us can really say it with proudness that we also have the heart for it? i cant definitely.
lately, there's lots of questions going through my mind. questions to question my faith like... what do i really believe in? i know for a fact, God is real...i have experienced Him many times...but, in my heart, do i really know it as a fact?
christmas every year is just the same...no difference. sing christmas songs for christmas morning church service, go carolling, gifts exchange, etc. to me, it's just another occasion to give and receive. yeah...i know in the head it's His birthday, in a way, but the heart just isnt there.
i remember my sunday school teacher told me once...it's the matter of the heart. God looks into our heart. but what if it's just not there? the heart is very deceiving as well. how can we trust our own heart?
of course, head knowledge + heart knowledge is what He wants. from the head, it needs to go to the heart. but seems like mine is stucked at the head and not going to the heart.
anyway...it's a personal struggle now in my walk with Him. having a difficult time sorting things out some how. i do need a good break from all the things of the world...and to just spend a few precious days with Him to sort things out with Him. when will that day be?
4th - 10th DEC 2006
time for real updates...been crapping a lot with emo issues...
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4th Dec - Monday
all i did that day was to watch a japanese anime called 'spiral'...a mystery solving anime that i enjoyed so much. watched it from after dinner till bout 4 something...and woke up at 8 something to continue watching it...couldnt stop myself from watching it. if it wasnt because my parents would get up at 7 something, i definitely would have continued watching till i finished the whole show in the morning. i did finish it the next day though.
5th Dec - Tuesday
finished watching 'spiral' in the morning, slept in the afternoon. started watching a chinese drama...a long time ago popular tv drama, 'meteor garden'. night time was choir practice. came back too tired...slept early.
6th Dec - Wednesday
cant remember what i did in the day time...but at night...i continued watching 'meteor garden' till 5.30 am this time. didnt go for youth prayer meeting though. ern tsyr couldnt make it that day.
7th Dec - Thursday
cant remember too what i did that day...except that i went for choir practice again at night. didnt sleep early though.
8th Dec - Friday
my younger sister and both my godsister's birthday. didnt wish my godsister till almost midnight though...was on purpose. and thanks to my dear prince, he wished my sister on our behalf. that was on purpose too as my sis didnt know his hp number. went out the whole day with my twin sis though. went shopping for clothes...she was the one who was supposed to be the one doing in the shopping in the afternoon but ended i spent bout rm90+ for a black pants, 2 final fantasy jigsaw puzzle, 3 final fantasy posters, a movie ticket and lunch. watched 'happy feet' as i posted in my previous post. met up with my darling whom i've not seen for quite some time now. went to fetch my dad after work. took a shower and i'm out again with my twin sis. back to shopping a while. she spent rm158 on 2 mng blouses just for her birthday party the next day. went to jonker with her and melissa...met up with my another godsis, jein and her friend...my twin sis bought a hermit crab which she's giving it to me on thurs coz her mum wont let her keep it. broke my 5days fast...had a bad day somehow...talked to my dear prince till bout 1 something.
9th Dec - Saturday
woke up early...been watching 'meteor garden' when ever i can find time. went to riviera bay for high tea with my twin sis for her birthday with 2 of her cousins, my ex-classmate, peh yin, and a jerk. came back bout 5 something, rested a while, fetched my sis from uni, took a shower, and went for choir practice till 11 something. super tired that day. ehxausting actually.
10th Dec - Sunday
my twin sis 20th birthday. has a presentation at one of the shopping complex here known as dataran which just opened. glad that my twin sis could watch it. glad that my godsister, jein, came in time too to watch me dance. glad that my ex-classmate, bryan, came too to give his support. not happy at all that the jerk came. regretted inviting the jerk. had fun at dinner with both my sisters. been a long time since we last hang out together. came back super duper tired coz was in a really high-heeled boots during the presentation. night time was a horrible time for me. had a tensed conversation with my prince. been crying for the past few nights till my eyes was actually kinda 'bengkak'. but on this day...it was the worst...thanks to the jerk. made my dear prince's pillow so wet with my tears.
----------------------------
and today...stayed home the whole day. felt terrible in the morning because of crying last night and with what happened...thanks to that jerk. my dear prince is now in inti college, nilai, though...for a camp...he'll be there till friday...and i'm missing him terrible already. finally finished watching the whole episodes of 'meteor garden' that consist of 27 episodes. and now...here i am posting....
one good thing happened today though...i rededicated my life back to my King. have been struggling with something that happened in the past. it was hindering me from moving on, from having a happy life. but He has assured me tonight...that those things that happened...i'm not going to sit down and cry over it and regret bout it any more. it's time to take a stand and make a decision. i'm not going to let satan take control of my life by letting the past haunt me...but to move on...i choose to live a happy life with my family...and definitely with my dear prince too.
i have been quite a pain to my dearest prince for that one week. been very very emo to the max. but he still is so patient with me. always there for me no matter what. even when he has his own personal problem that he didnt tell me...he was still there...and i was so silly to not think of what he was going through. but from now on...i'll learn to be more sensitive to his needs as he is to mine.
somehow, today, i truly cherish my dearest prince...and it's all thanks to our King that He made it possible...and as long as He allows...i choose to be with my dear prince...for as the saying goes...'alone, they are two..together, they are one'. when we're alone, we're an individual...but when we're together, we are one...the pain, the joy, the sadness, the happiness, the problems, the solutions, the burdens...it's shared between each other. after all....
--------------------------
4th Dec - Monday
all i did that day was to watch a japanese anime called 'spiral'...a mystery solving anime that i enjoyed so much. watched it from after dinner till bout 4 something...and woke up at 8 something to continue watching it...couldnt stop myself from watching it. if it wasnt because my parents would get up at 7 something, i definitely would have continued watching till i finished the whole show in the morning. i did finish it the next day though.
5th Dec - Tuesday
finished watching 'spiral' in the morning, slept in the afternoon. started watching a chinese drama...a long time ago popular tv drama, 'meteor garden'. night time was choir practice. came back too tired...slept early.
6th Dec - Wednesday
cant remember what i did in the day time...but at night...i continued watching 'meteor garden' till 5.30 am this time. didnt go for youth prayer meeting though. ern tsyr couldnt make it that day.
7th Dec - Thursday
cant remember too what i did that day...except that i went for choir practice again at night. didnt sleep early though.
8th Dec - Friday
my younger sister and both my godsister's birthday. didnt wish my godsister till almost midnight though...was on purpose. and thanks to my dear prince, he wished my sister on our behalf. that was on purpose too as my sis didnt know his hp number. went out the whole day with my twin sis though. went shopping for clothes...she was the one who was supposed to be the one doing in the shopping in the afternoon but ended i spent bout rm90+ for a black pants, 2 final fantasy jigsaw puzzle, 3 final fantasy posters, a movie ticket and lunch. watched 'happy feet' as i posted in my previous post. met up with my darling whom i've not seen for quite some time now. went to fetch my dad after work. took a shower and i'm out again with my twin sis. back to shopping a while. she spent rm158 on 2 mng blouses just for her birthday party the next day. went to jonker with her and melissa...met up with my another godsis, jein and her friend...my twin sis bought a hermit crab which she's giving it to me on thurs coz her mum wont let her keep it. broke my 5days fast...had a bad day somehow...talked to my dear prince till bout 1 something.
9th Dec - Saturday
woke up early...been watching 'meteor garden' when ever i can find time. went to riviera bay for high tea with my twin sis for her birthday with 2 of her cousins, my ex-classmate, peh yin, and a jerk. came back bout 5 something, rested a while, fetched my sis from uni, took a shower, and went for choir practice till 11 something. super tired that day. ehxausting actually.
10th Dec - Sunday
my twin sis 20th birthday. has a presentation at one of the shopping complex here known as dataran which just opened. glad that my twin sis could watch it. glad that my godsister, jein, came in time too to watch me dance. glad that my ex-classmate, bryan, came too to give his support. not happy at all that the jerk came. regretted inviting the jerk. had fun at dinner with both my sisters. been a long time since we last hang out together. came back super duper tired coz was in a really high-heeled boots during the presentation. night time was a horrible time for me. had a tensed conversation with my prince. been crying for the past few nights till my eyes was actually kinda 'bengkak'. but on this day...it was the worst...thanks to the jerk. made my dear prince's pillow so wet with my tears.
----------------------------
and today...stayed home the whole day. felt terrible in the morning because of crying last night and with what happened...thanks to that jerk. my dear prince is now in inti college, nilai, though...for a camp...he'll be there till friday...and i'm missing him terrible already. finally finished watching the whole episodes of 'meteor garden' that consist of 27 episodes. and now...here i am posting....
one good thing happened today though...i rededicated my life back to my King. have been struggling with something that happened in the past. it was hindering me from moving on, from having a happy life. but He has assured me tonight...that those things that happened...i'm not going to sit down and cry over it and regret bout it any more. it's time to take a stand and make a decision. i'm not going to let satan take control of my life by letting the past haunt me...but to move on...i choose to live a happy life with my family...and definitely with my dear prince too.
i have been quite a pain to my dearest prince for that one week. been very very emo to the max. but he still is so patient with me. always there for me no matter what. even when he has his own personal problem that he didnt tell me...he was still there...and i was so silly to not think of what he was going through. but from now on...i'll learn to be more sensitive to his needs as he is to mine.
somehow, today, i truly cherish my dearest prince...and it's all thanks to our King that He made it possible...and as long as He allows...i choose to be with my dear prince...for as the saying goes...'alone, they are two..together, they are one'. when we're alone, we're an individual...but when we're together, we are one...the pain, the joy, the sadness, the happiness, the problems, the solutions, the burdens...it's shared between each other. after all....
ALONE, THEY ARE TWO...TOGETHER, THEY ARE ONE!! =)
WOUNDED HEART
the heart is so fragile,
that it gets hurt easily,
not only hurt,
but wounded too...
when wounded,
it leaves a scar,
and when it's not fully healed,
the hurt comes back,
leaving behind,
a deeper wound and scar,
that's so difficult to heal....
no words,
no medications,
no deeds,
no comfort,
no hugs,
no smiles,
no jokes,
no nothing,
that can ever
heal the deep
wounded heart
that's being hurt
till a scar
will be what's left
to be a reminder
but,
how long?
how long is it going to take?
to heal the wounded heart
that's being hurt?
who's the healer?
my King?
my prince?
my family?
who?
the heart cries
each night
because it;s hurting
hurting so deeply....
that wounded heart,
that's hurt...
till it leaves a scar....
that it gets hurt easily,
not only hurt,
but wounded too...
when wounded,
it leaves a scar,
and when it's not fully healed,
the hurt comes back,
leaving behind,
a deeper wound and scar,
that's so difficult to heal....
no words,
no medications,
no deeds,
no comfort,
no hugs,
no smiles,
no jokes,
no nothing,
that can ever
heal the deep
wounded heart
that's being hurt
till a scar
will be what's left
to be a reminder
but,
how long?
how long is it going to take?
to heal the wounded heart
that's being hurt?
who's the healer?
my King?
my prince?
my family?
who?
the heart cries
each night
because it;s hurting
hurting so deeply....
that wounded heart,
that's hurt...
till it leaves a scar....
HAPPY FEET?? DANCING??
finally i have gone to watch 'Happy Feet' with my twin sister today. my dear prince said it was nice...and i definitely have to agree with him 10% 100%. it's a very nice show...and there's something that i learnt from watching it that kind of applied to what i'm going through at the moment.
anyway, today is my younger sister's birthday...so is both my godsister's, who are sisters. havent wish any of them yet though..plan to wish at the very last minute...as i always do with the peeps close to me.
back to the topic...what does the show got to do with dancing as the title says? at the begining of the show, mumble, the weird penguin, cant sing (which is important to a penguin)...instead, he does this tapping dance with his feet. and it seemed to me that he was enjoying the dance. all of a sudden, it occured to me...the reason my passion for dancing has gone is because...now...each time i dance..it's because of a performance...and it's like a 'must' thing to do...i dance for the sake of doing a performance and i do my best because of the sake of putting up a good show. but that shouldnt be it. the passion should come from my heart. i dance because i love dancing...and dancing my best is simply because i enjoy dancing...not to put up a good but fake show. i forgot bout that part of dancing...dancing from the heart...dancing for enjoyment...dancing for my King.
yes...everyone says i have a talent for dancing..i can actually dance with feelings, with the proper expression...that was last time...then, it was dancing for the sake of dancing, no feelings, no expression....but now...i'm going to dance because i love it and whether it's nice or not...i'll dance for Him and Him alone. He is the one who gives me the talent after all... =)
another thing i learnt in that show was that...do not be afraid to be who you are...yeah...most of the time, peeps may find you weird, or psychotic, or 'cacat', or childish, or immature...but that doesnt really matter. why? simply because He has created us that way. whether we are 'dirty', whether we are a 'betrayer', whether we are 'innocent', or whatever it is...we are who we are...yes, of course there are some things that we should change...but if it feels uncomfortable...then why change? unless the change is for your better or course. but more important is that we feel comfortable for who we are....right, prince?? =p
well...got to go get ready...going out again with my twin sister...been out with her the whole of today...kinda tired already actually...but it's been such a long time since we really hang out together. =) so...it's worth the tiredness...hehe...
anyway, today is my younger sister's birthday...so is both my godsister's, who are sisters. havent wish any of them yet though..plan to wish at the very last minute...as i always do with the peeps close to me.
back to the topic...what does the show got to do with dancing as the title says? at the begining of the show, mumble, the weird penguin, cant sing (which is important to a penguin)...instead, he does this tapping dance with his feet. and it seemed to me that he was enjoying the dance. all of a sudden, it occured to me...the reason my passion for dancing has gone is because...now...each time i dance..it's because of a performance...and it's like a 'must' thing to do...i dance for the sake of doing a performance and i do my best because of the sake of putting up a good show. but that shouldnt be it. the passion should come from my heart. i dance because i love dancing...and dancing my best is simply because i enjoy dancing...not to put up a good but fake show. i forgot bout that part of dancing...dancing from the heart...dancing for enjoyment...dancing for my King.
yes...everyone says i have a talent for dancing..i can actually dance with feelings, with the proper expression...that was last time...then, it was dancing for the sake of dancing, no feelings, no expression....but now...i'm going to dance because i love it and whether it's nice or not...i'll dance for Him and Him alone. He is the one who gives me the talent after all... =)
another thing i learnt in that show was that...do not be afraid to be who you are...yeah...most of the time, peeps may find you weird, or psychotic, or 'cacat', or childish, or immature...but that doesnt really matter. why? simply because He has created us that way. whether we are 'dirty', whether we are a 'betrayer', whether we are 'innocent', or whatever it is...we are who we are...yes, of course there are some things that we should change...but if it feels uncomfortable...then why change? unless the change is for your better or course. but more important is that we feel comfortable for who we are....right, prince?? =p
well...got to go get ready...going out again with my twin sister...been out with her the whole of today...kinda tired already actually...but it's been such a long time since we really hang out together. =) so...it's worth the tiredness...hehe...
PASSION GONE
passion is a very strong emotion or an intense enthusiasm for something according to the oxford dictionary that suits todays title.
but what passion is it that i'm talking about? what strong emotions and what is that something i'm enthusiastic for??
first and formost, my passion for Him. the passion is slowly fading away...somehow. yes, i may still have the fire in me to serve Him...but it's my first love for Him that is fading away. that's the passion i'm talking about. my first love with my King. it has come to the point that all i have is head knowledge as always...but the heart...it's gone...my love passion for my King is gone....
the 2nd passion that is gone...is my dance passion...i love dancing...especially when i'm dancing for my King...but somehow...again...the passion is gone....i cant dance like how i used to anymore...the feelings, the emotions....are gone. i'm not as enthusiastic as before each time i practice a dance. and the feelings for it is fading. dancing with feelings is what my King has given to me...but now...it's dancing for the sake of dancing...which is a tiny burden on my shoulder not being able to dance with feelings.
my passion to reach out to others is slowly fading too...the tiredness of helping this special someone...is slowly eating me up. the problems faced and the consequences of helping...sometimes gets too way out. i still remember someone telling me to love the person and not the problem...yes..i do love her like my own sister...i do love them...and not their problem...but it's discouraging and sad and disappointed to see them get hurt, to see them do something you know is going to destroy their life. and yes...i know i can only leave it to Him...but like i said...i have head knowledge...and not heart....
i do have passion for many other things...which may seem small to peeps...but not to me...i enjoy my passion...that's why it's called passion isnt it? having strong emotions and feeling all enthusiastic for that something? life is nothing without passion...it brings no joy. it brings sadness, it hinders happiness from coming, it brings negativiness...
for now, all i can do...is to continue relying on my King, trusting Him to lead my way...with the head knowledge that i know...i pray He'll bring back that first love i had for Him 7 years ago....
but what passion is it that i'm talking about? what strong emotions and what is that something i'm enthusiastic for??
first and formost, my passion for Him. the passion is slowly fading away...somehow. yes, i may still have the fire in me to serve Him...but it's my first love for Him that is fading away. that's the passion i'm talking about. my first love with my King. it has come to the point that all i have is head knowledge as always...but the heart...it's gone...my love passion for my King is gone....
the 2nd passion that is gone...is my dance passion...i love dancing...especially when i'm dancing for my King...but somehow...again...the passion is gone....i cant dance like how i used to anymore...the feelings, the emotions....are gone. i'm not as enthusiastic as before each time i practice a dance. and the feelings for it is fading. dancing with feelings is what my King has given to me...but now...it's dancing for the sake of dancing...which is a tiny burden on my shoulder not being able to dance with feelings.
my passion to reach out to others is slowly fading too...the tiredness of helping this special someone...is slowly eating me up. the problems faced and the consequences of helping...sometimes gets too way out. i still remember someone telling me to love the person and not the problem...yes..i do love her like my own sister...i do love them...and not their problem...but it's discouraging and sad and disappointed to see them get hurt, to see them do something you know is going to destroy their life. and yes...i know i can only leave it to Him...but like i said...i have head knowledge...and not heart....
i do have passion for many other things...which may seem small to peeps...but not to me...i enjoy my passion...that's why it's called passion isnt it? having strong emotions and feeling all enthusiastic for that something? life is nothing without passion...it brings no joy. it brings sadness, it hinders happiness from coming, it brings negativiness...
for now, all i can do...is to continue relying on my King, trusting Him to lead my way...with the head knowledge that i know...i pray He'll bring back that first love i had for Him 7 years ago....
I'VE BEEN TAGGED BY SUI LI
Four things many don't know.
[1] I'm actually a quiet person by nature
[2] I'm a cry baby ^.^
[3] Do have low self-esteem ^.^
[4] Love dancing and poetry
Four movies I can watch over and over.
[1] Aquamarine
[2] The whole set of Barbie movies
[3] Accepted
[4] Musical shows like sound of music, high school musical, etc
Four places I have lived.
[1] Malacca
[2] Malacca
[3] Malacca
[4] Malacca
Four TV shows I love.
[1] The first season of CSI
[2] Autumn In My Heart (korean movie)
[3] Gilmore Girls
[4] Jems (an old cartoon)
Four places I have been on vacation.
[1] Penang
[2] Cameron Highlands
[3] Genting Highlands (not the Theme Park though)
[4] A place in Selangor to see fireflies...can't remember the name of the place Kuala Selangor it is (thanks to xjian & sui li)
Four of my favourite food.
[1] My own cooked maggi mee
[2] Chinese economy rice
[3] Indian roti canai
[4] Mc Donald's
Four places I'd rather be.
[1] Malacca...there's no where else i'd rather be than in malacca
[2]Sarawak Sabah
[3] Malacca
[4]Singapore
Currently listening to songs.
[1] Eyes On Me from Final Fantasy VIII
[2] To Zanarkland from Final Fantasy X
[3] Suteki Da Ne from Final Fantasy X
[4] All the songs in Final Fantasy
Four people who will be tagged.
[1] My dear prince
[2] Sze Jein
[3] Esther Lee
[4] Gary
P/S : For those who dont know what to do, you have to list down what's required. 4 each.
[1] I'm actually a quiet person by nature
[2] I'm a cry baby ^.^
[3] Do have low self-esteem ^.^
[4] Love dancing and poetry
Four movies I can watch over and over.
[1] Aquamarine
[2] The whole set of Barbie movies
[3] Accepted
[4] Musical shows like sound of music, high school musical, etc
Four places I have lived.
[1] Malacca
[2] Malacca
[3] Malacca
[4] Malacca
Four TV shows I love.
[1] The first season of CSI
[2] Autumn In My Heart (korean movie)
[3] Gilmore Girls
[4] Jems (an old cartoon)
Four places I have been on vacation.
[1] Penang
[2] Cameron Highlands
[3] Genting Highlands (not the Theme Park though)
[4] A place in Selangor to see fireflies...
Four of my favourite food.
[1] My own cooked maggi mee
[2] Chinese economy rice
[3] Indian roti canai
[4] Mc Donald's
Four places I'd rather be.
[1] Malacca...there's no where else i'd rather be than in malacca
[2]
[3] Malacca
[4]Singapore
Currently listening to songs.
[1] Eyes On Me from Final Fantasy VIII
[2] To Zanarkland from Final Fantasy X
[3] Suteki Da Ne from Final Fantasy X
[4] All the songs in Final Fantasy
Four people who will be tagged.
[1] My dear prince
[2] Sze Jein
[3] Esther Lee
[4] Gary
P/S : For those who dont know what to do, you have to list down what's required. 4 each.
INNOCENT
this post is specially for xjian...many peeps seems to think he's quiet and INNOCENT...same case here...many peeps used and probably still think that i'm INNOCENT too....BUT...i'm NOT...i MAY look INNOCENT...but looks can be quite deceiving. just like xjian too...he may look INNOCENT...but hmm...for you peeps who knows him to find out whether is he really INNOCENT as he looks to be... =p
---------------------------------------------------------------
according to the collins dictionary, INNOCENT has 2 meanings, where as in the oxford dictionary, it has 2 of the same meaning with an extra meaning too.
1. NOT GUILTY of a CRIME or OFFENSE
2. having LITTLE EXPERIENCE of life
3. NOT INTENDED to CAUSE OFFENSE
so, what does this word INNOCENT really mean in my post here? it's more of the 2nd point. being INNOCENT because we have LITTLE EXPERIENCE of life in life. sounds weird...ya..i know...but that's just it. many peeps judge a person by the way they look...a person may look INNOCENT on the outside...but in actual TRUTH...the person isnt as INNOCENT as we think they are. in fact, they may have EXPERIENCE more than we have experienced in life. just a simple example of myself that happened before. the first time i had a boyfriend and a friend found out bout it, she was like.. 'sure or not? you look so INNOCENT one..not the type who'll have a boyfriend one.' haha...i LOOK innocent...but i'm NOT. i may be INNOCENT in a few areas of my life...but not all. and for XJIAN, peeps seems to think he doesnt know much bout what's going on around...but well...he proves to me that he is quite observant with what's happening around...just that he keeps quiet bout it...a character that i like bout him...doesnt 'nose' around into other peeps' business.
for the 1st and 3rd point, there's nothing much i can say bout coz i believe we are all NOT INNOCENT for that particular meaning. we may not be guilty of a crime...but for an offense? yes...WE ARE ALL GUILTY. why do i say that? whether we realise it or not....we all have offended God when we still sinners. but by God's LOVE and GRACE....we are FORGIVEN for that offense. isnt that WONDERFUL??
to a personal note, i am not INNOCENT....but because of His death on the cross for me, i AM in the process of becoming INNOCENT. only when i see Him in heaven will i be INNOCENT. after all....
GOD IS NOT FINISHED WITH ME YET!!! =)
---------------------------------------------------------------
according to the collins dictionary, INNOCENT has 2 meanings, where as in the oxford dictionary, it has 2 of the same meaning with an extra meaning too.
1. NOT GUILTY of a CRIME or OFFENSE
2. having LITTLE EXPERIENCE of life
3. NOT INTENDED to CAUSE OFFENSE
so, what does this word INNOCENT really mean in my post here? it's more of the 2nd point. being INNOCENT because we have LITTLE EXPERIENCE of life in life. sounds weird...ya..i know...but that's just it. many peeps judge a person by the way they look...a person may look INNOCENT on the outside...but in actual TRUTH...the person isnt as INNOCENT as we think they are. in fact, they may have EXPERIENCE more than we have experienced in life. just a simple example of myself that happened before. the first time i had a boyfriend and a friend found out bout it, she was like.. 'sure or not? you look so INNOCENT one..not the type who'll have a boyfriend one.' haha...i LOOK innocent...but i'm NOT. i may be INNOCENT in a few areas of my life...but not all. and for XJIAN, peeps seems to think he doesnt know much bout what's going on around...but well...he proves to me that he is quite observant with what's happening around...just that he keeps quiet bout it...a character that i like bout him...doesnt 'nose' around into other peeps' business.
for the 1st and 3rd point, there's nothing much i can say bout coz i believe we are all NOT INNOCENT for that particular meaning. we may not be guilty of a crime...but for an offense? yes...WE ARE ALL GUILTY. why do i say that? whether we realise it or not....we all have offended God when we still sinners. but by God's LOVE and GRACE....we are FORGIVEN for that offense. isnt that WONDERFUL??
to a personal note, i am not INNOCENT....but because of His death on the cross for me, i AM in the process of becoming INNOCENT. only when i see Him in heaven will i be INNOCENT. after all....
GOD IS NOT FINISHED WITH ME YET!!! =)
BETRAY
according to the oxford dictionary, the word 'BETRAY' has 3 meanings.
1. HARM SOMEONE or something by GIVING INFORMATION to an enemy
2. be DISLOYAL to SOMEONE
3. REVEAL a SECRET WITHOUT MEANING TO
where as according to the collins dictionary, the word 'BETRAY' has ONLY ONE meaning which is...
--> if you BETRAY someone who LOVES or TRUSTS you, your actions HURT and DISAPPOINT them
we always think of the negative side of BEING BETRAYED. how much it hurts to be BETRAYED...how much we hate the person who BETRAYED us...but we NEVER think of the reason why ther person BETRAYS us. of course, sometimes, they BETRAY us for some unacceptable reason...but what bout the reason that is for our own good?? and what about the consequences of being BETRAYED??
what about us BETRAYING someone? is it still WRONG even if it is for that person's own good?? should ALL the BLAME be put on that person even when her MOTIVE of BETRAYING is good??? or whatever the reason is for BETRAYING is just NO GOOD??
can BETRAY be seen in another point of view instead of the negative side?? that sometimes....whether GETTING BETRAYED or being the one who BETRAYS......shapes us for who we are now, teaching us lessons of life, teaching us to be grateful.
and can we CHANGE our mind sets bout the peeps who does the BETRAYING? it's not easy at times. BETRAYING can sometimes be INTENTIONAL...and sometimes UNINTENTIONAL. of course, BETRAYING with INTENTIONS is a choice to make since we are AWARE of the MOTIVE. choosing this path with the WRONG MOTIVE of course isnt right...but what about choosing this path with a REASONABLE MOTIVE?? to stop someone from getting hurt in the future? too hurt to see that someone being hurt deeply?? to stop something bad from becoming worst? to help that someone not regret in her life?
to be called a BETRAYER isnt nice at all. it leaves a scar so deep that at times, even the years of friendship cannot heal it.
but wait...is
1. GIVING INFORMATION without HURTING that someone
2. STILL is LOYAL
3. REVEALS a SECRET with meaning to
4. ACTIONS did HURT and DISAPPOINT them
be considered BETRAYING??
i shall let the person whom i have BETRAYED, whom has called me a BETRAYER, decide and tell me the answer...
1. HARM SOMEONE or something by GIVING INFORMATION to an enemy
2. be DISLOYAL to SOMEONE
3. REVEAL a SECRET WITHOUT MEANING TO
where as according to the collins dictionary, the word 'BETRAY' has ONLY ONE meaning which is...
--> if you BETRAY someone who LOVES or TRUSTS you, your actions HURT and DISAPPOINT them
we always think of the negative side of BEING BETRAYED. how much it hurts to be BETRAYED...how much we hate the person who BETRAYED us...but we NEVER think of the reason why ther person BETRAYS us. of course, sometimes, they BETRAY us for some unacceptable reason...but what bout the reason that is for our own good?? and what about the consequences of being BETRAYED??
what about us BETRAYING someone? is it still WRONG even if it is for that person's own good?? should ALL the BLAME be put on that person even when her MOTIVE of BETRAYING is good??? or whatever the reason is for BETRAYING is just NO GOOD??
can BETRAY be seen in another point of view instead of the negative side?? that sometimes....whether GETTING BETRAYED or being the one who BETRAYS......shapes us for who we are now, teaching us lessons of life, teaching us to be grateful.
and can we CHANGE our mind sets bout the peeps who does the BETRAYING? it's not easy at times. BETRAYING can sometimes be INTENTIONAL...and sometimes UNINTENTIONAL. of course, BETRAYING with INTENTIONS is a choice to make since we are AWARE of the MOTIVE. choosing this path with the WRONG MOTIVE of course isnt right...but what about choosing this path with a REASONABLE MOTIVE?? to stop someone from getting hurt in the future? too hurt to see that someone being hurt deeply?? to stop something bad from becoming worst? to help that someone not regret in her life?
to be called a BETRAYER isnt nice at all. it leaves a scar so deep that at times, even the years of friendship cannot heal it.
but wait...is
1. GIVING INFORMATION without HURTING that someone
2. STILL is LOYAL
3. REVEALS a SECRET with meaning to
4. ACTIONS did HURT and DISAPPOINT them
be considered BETRAYING??
i shall let the person whom i have BETRAYED, whom has called me a BETRAYER, decide and tell me the answer...
DIRTY
according to the oxford dictionary in front of me, the word DIRTY has many meaning of its own. it can mean
1. covered or marked with dirt, in other words...UNCLEAN
2. obscene
3. dishonest or dishonourable
4. rough and unpleasant weather
other words that could replace the word DIRTY are many too..some of them being...FILTHY, muddy, MESSY, NASTY, polluted, UNFAIR, corrupt, DISHONEST, etc.....
a common word that peeps use when something clean has dirt on it. a word that peeps use to scold a child for being messy. a word to describe a thief or an illegal work being done. a word that is negativity. a word that sometimes brings a person down. a word that sometimes may make a person learn a lesson from their mistake. a word that some peeps dislike hearing to be called. a word that a super duper clean person can't stand.
the word DIRTY can mean many things. it depends on the reader's perception and understanding of this word. whether the meaning has a good or bad outcome...it's all up the peeps giving and receiving this word.
most of the time, when something gets 'DIRTY' (not clean), it can be cleaned off by using soap, detergent, etc. sometimes, when the situation seems 'DIRTY' (messy), it can be cleared up with a few solutions here and there. when the weather gets 'DIRTY' (rough), it will soon go away and the weather will be calm again. but what bout when someone gets 'DIRTY'???
of course the answer is...... the blood of Jesus .....His blood washes away that 'DIRTINESS' in His amazing way. we just have to admit our mistake, repent on it, and wa la...the 'DIRTINESS' is gone. but is it completely gone??
and what does this DIRTY means in this concept?? SIN is the answer. all sorts of sin are DIRT. and it can only be washed away by the blood of Jesus. isn't that wonderful?? His blood makes us clean again. is it done once and for all though??
on a personal note, the word DIRTY has its own meaning to me. a meaning to let go, a meaning to learn a lesson, a meaning to forgive and be forgiven, a meaning so real to me. but will it ever go? will the lesson be learnt? will it forgive? will it be forgiven??
1. covered or marked with dirt, in other words...UNCLEAN
2. obscene
3. dishonest or dishonourable
4. rough and unpleasant weather
other words that could replace the word DIRTY are many too..some of them being...FILTHY, muddy, MESSY, NASTY, polluted, UNFAIR, corrupt, DISHONEST, etc.....
a common word that peeps use when something clean has dirt on it. a word that peeps use to scold a child for being messy. a word to describe a thief or an illegal work being done. a word that is negativity. a word that sometimes brings a person down. a word that sometimes may make a person learn a lesson from their mistake. a word that some peeps dislike hearing to be called. a word that a super duper clean person can't stand.
the word DIRTY can mean many things. it depends on the reader's perception and understanding of this word. whether the meaning has a good or bad outcome...it's all up the peeps giving and receiving this word.
most of the time, when something gets 'DIRTY' (not clean), it can be cleaned off by using soap, detergent, etc. sometimes, when the situation seems 'DIRTY' (messy), it can be cleared up with a few solutions here and there. when the weather gets 'DIRTY' (rough), it will soon go away and the weather will be calm again. but what bout when someone gets 'DIRTY'???
of course the answer is...... the blood of Jesus .....His blood washes away that 'DIRTINESS' in His amazing way. we just have to admit our mistake, repent on it, and wa la...the 'DIRTINESS' is gone. but is it completely gone??
and what does this DIRTY means in this concept?? SIN is the answer. all sorts of sin are DIRT. and it can only be washed away by the blood of Jesus. isn't that wonderful?? His blood makes us clean again. is it done once and for all though??
on a personal note, the word DIRTY has its own meaning to me. a meaning to let go, a meaning to learn a lesson, a meaning to forgive and be forgiven, a meaning so real to me. but will it ever go? will the lesson be learnt? will it forgive? will it be forgiven??
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