I should feel great bout coming back home to Malacca..but it is simply just an escape for me.
Escape from what?
That...is a good question.
Ever since I finished my last paper..it was just a season of depression somehow up till today.
Emotions upside down..
Not motivated..
Purposeless..
Loneliness..
Best to describe it as this as I shared it with my sweetie:
A butterfly without wings can't fly, a car without engine can't move, a restaurant without a cook/chef has no food, a game without players is dead...but what about a human without a soul?
A turtle without a shell looks weird, a house without a roof seems odd, money without value has no purpose, What about a girl without her dignity?
Coming back home has a goal..which is to search the soul and dignity..where has it all gone? Where has the motivation gone?
It saddens me that I've got to be in such a position..but what more can I do at the moment when I don't have the motivation to even stand up and take charge?
Give As You Receive
This is just a story I found from my drawer of 'rubbish'...
He almost didn't see the old lady stranded on the side of the road. But even in the dim light of day, he could see she needed help. So he pulled up in front of her Mercedes and got out. His Pontiac was still sputtering when he approached her.
Despite the smile on his face, she was worried. No one ha stopped to help for the last hour or so. Was he going to hurt her? He didn't look safe; he looked poor and hungry.
He could see she was frightened, standing out there in the cold. He knew how she felt. It was a chill which only fear can put in you. He said: "I'm here to help you, ma'am. Why don't you wait in the car where it's warm? By the way, my name is Bryan."
Well, all she had was a flat tire, but for an old lady, that was bad enough. Bryan crawled under the car to look for a place to put the jack; he skinned his knuckles once or twice. Soon he was able to change the tire. But he had to get dirty and his hands hurt.
As he was tightening the lug nuts, she rolled down the window and began to talk to him. She was from St. Louis and was just passing through. She couldn't thank him enough for coming to her aid. Bryan just smiled as he closed her trunk. She asked how much she owed him. Any amount would have been all right with her. She had imagined all the awful things that could have happened had he not stopped.
Bryan never thought twice about money. This was not a job to him. This was helping someone in need, and God knows there were many who had given him a hand in the past. He had lived his whole life that way, and it never occurred to him to act any other way.
He told her that if she really wanted to pay him back, the next time she saw someone who needed help, she could give that person the assistance they needed. Bryan added, "...and think of me." He waited until she started the car and drove off. It had been a cold and depressing day, but he felt good as he headed home, disappearing into the twilight.
A few miles down the road the lady saw a small cafe. She went in to grab a bite and take the chill off before she made the last leg of her trip home. It was a dingy-looking restaurant. Outside were two old gas pumps. The whole scene was unfamiliar to her. The cash register was like the telephone of an out-of-work-actor - it didn't ring much.
The waitress came over and brought a clean towel for her to wipe her wet hair. She had a sweet smile, one that even being on her feet the whole day couldn't erase. The lady noticed the waitress was heavily pregnant, but she never let the strain and aches change her attitude. The old lady wondered how someone who had so little could be so giving to a stranger. Then she remembered Bryan.
After she finished her meal, and the waitress had gone to get change for her hundred-dollar bill, the lady slipped out through the door. She was gone by the time the waitress came back.
The waitress was wondering where the lady could have gone when she noticed something written in the napkin, under which were four $100 bills. There were tears in her eyes as she read what the lady had written:
"You don't owe me nothing...I have been there too. Somebody once helped me out, the way I'm helping you. If you really want to pay me back, here is what you can do: Do not let this chain of love end with you."
Well, there were tables to clear, sugar bowls to fill and people to serve, but the waitress made it through another day. That night when she got home and climbed into bed, she thought about the money and the lady's words.
How could the lady have known how much she and her husband needed? With the baby due next month, it was going to be hard. She knew how worried her husband had been. As he lay sleeping beside her, she gave him a soft kiss and whispered soft and low: "Everything's going to be all right. I love you, Bryan."
There is an old saying: "What goes around comes around."
In this world, it's so hard to find such kind of 'Bryans' anymore. With the cruel world out there, everyone is so suspicious that anything can just happen to you. Trust is not there anymore among strangers... Who are the ones who will MAKE A DIFFERENCE and be like a Bryan? You? Me?
He almost didn't see the old lady stranded on the side of the road. But even in the dim light of day, he could see she needed help. So he pulled up in front of her Mercedes and got out. His Pontiac was still sputtering when he approached her.
Despite the smile on his face, she was worried. No one ha stopped to help for the last hour or so. Was he going to hurt her? He didn't look safe; he looked poor and hungry.
He could see she was frightened, standing out there in the cold. He knew how she felt. It was a chill which only fear can put in you. He said: "I'm here to help you, ma'am. Why don't you wait in the car where it's warm? By the way, my name is Bryan."
Well, all she had was a flat tire, but for an old lady, that was bad enough. Bryan crawled under the car to look for a place to put the jack; he skinned his knuckles once or twice. Soon he was able to change the tire. But he had to get dirty and his hands hurt.
As he was tightening the lug nuts, she rolled down the window and began to talk to him. She was from St. Louis and was just passing through. She couldn't thank him enough for coming to her aid. Bryan just smiled as he closed her trunk. She asked how much she owed him. Any amount would have been all right with her. She had imagined all the awful things that could have happened had he not stopped.
Bryan never thought twice about money. This was not a job to him. This was helping someone in need, and God knows there were many who had given him a hand in the past. He had lived his whole life that way, and it never occurred to him to act any other way.
He told her that if she really wanted to pay him back, the next time she saw someone who needed help, she could give that person the assistance they needed. Bryan added, "...and think of me." He waited until she started the car and drove off. It had been a cold and depressing day, but he felt good as he headed home, disappearing into the twilight.
A few miles down the road the lady saw a small cafe. She went in to grab a bite and take the chill off before she made the last leg of her trip home. It was a dingy-looking restaurant. Outside were two old gas pumps. The whole scene was unfamiliar to her. The cash register was like the telephone of an out-of-work-actor - it didn't ring much.
The waitress came over and brought a clean towel for her to wipe her wet hair. She had a sweet smile, one that even being on her feet the whole day couldn't erase. The lady noticed the waitress was heavily pregnant, but she never let the strain and aches change her attitude. The old lady wondered how someone who had so little could be so giving to a stranger. Then she remembered Bryan.
After she finished her meal, and the waitress had gone to get change for her hundred-dollar bill, the lady slipped out through the door. She was gone by the time the waitress came back.
The waitress was wondering where the lady could have gone when she noticed something written in the napkin, under which were four $100 bills. There were tears in her eyes as she read what the lady had written:
"You don't owe me nothing...I have been there too. Somebody once helped me out, the way I'm helping you. If you really want to pay me back, here is what you can do: Do not let this chain of love end with you."
Well, there were tables to clear, sugar bowls to fill and people to serve, but the waitress made it through another day. That night when she got home and climbed into bed, she thought about the money and the lady's words.
How could the lady have known how much she and her husband needed? With the baby due next month, it was going to be hard. She knew how worried her husband had been. As he lay sleeping beside her, she gave him a soft kiss and whispered soft and low: "Everything's going to be all right. I love you, Bryan."
There is an old saying: "What goes around comes around."
In this world, it's so hard to find such kind of 'Bryans' anymore. With the cruel world out there, everyone is so suspicious that anything can just happen to you. Trust is not there anymore among strangers... Who are the ones who will MAKE A DIFFERENCE and be like a Bryan? You? Me?
God is FAITHFUL
In the midst of my finals at the moment and after that I will be graduating. Time flies so fast...
BUT...that is not the topic for this entry. The purpose of this entry is to testify on His FAITHFULNESS to me during this period of examinations.
This final semester, I have 4 subjects. For my first paper, I sort of regretted going earlier to campus in the morning as I did not get enough sleep the night before. I did not like the feel of being in campus so early as well during exams with the tension and the pressure. However, by God's grace, my lecturer actually confirmed the topic that I have been studying while I walked pass her. It gave me a sense of peace that I was on the right track in my preparation for this counseling practicum paper.
For my second paper, it was a morning paper. That morning, I actually woke up kinda late. My paper was 9am and I woke up at 8.20am...I panicked and rushed to get myself ready and speed of to campus. By God's grace, a taxi came by and I managed to get to campus in time to calm myself down before the paper. By His grace too that I woke up in time and manage to sit for my paper instead of missing the whole paper and having to repeat the substance abuse paper again next semester, not being able to graduate soon.
For my third paper, I was focusing too much on the wrong subject before this paper. I thought that this third paper was another subject. By God's grace, I went out for study group and found out that my third paper was disorders of childhood and adolescence, giving me a day to be prepared. A day may not be sufficient. Yet, By His grace, He gave me the ability to memorize information very fast and I was able to do my paper today which I find easy.
Now, my fourth paper is in 2 days time. I decided to testify of His FAITHFULNESS to me during this period of examinations before my last paper as a reminder to myself that He is in control of my studies right from the beginning when I decided to take up this course. Especially for this tough last semester, a lot has been going on. Yet, even in assignments, having the highest score for 2 assignments in my tutorial is a big achievement to me as my group had major conflicts this semester. Thus, I want to thank Him for His grace and mercy upon me throughout this semester before it ends.
GOD IS INDEED FAITHFUL!!!
BUT...that is not the topic for this entry. The purpose of this entry is to testify on His FAITHFULNESS to me during this period of examinations.
This final semester, I have 4 subjects. For my first paper, I sort of regretted going earlier to campus in the morning as I did not get enough sleep the night before. I did not like the feel of being in campus so early as well during exams with the tension and the pressure. However, by God's grace, my lecturer actually confirmed the topic that I have been studying while I walked pass her. It gave me a sense of peace that I was on the right track in my preparation for this counseling practicum paper.
For my second paper, it was a morning paper. That morning, I actually woke up kinda late. My paper was 9am and I woke up at 8.20am...I panicked and rushed to get myself ready and speed of to campus. By God's grace, a taxi came by and I managed to get to campus in time to calm myself down before the paper. By His grace too that I woke up in time and manage to sit for my paper instead of missing the whole paper and having to repeat the substance abuse paper again next semester, not being able to graduate soon.
For my third paper, I was focusing too much on the wrong subject before this paper. I thought that this third paper was another subject. By God's grace, I went out for study group and found out that my third paper was disorders of childhood and adolescence, giving me a day to be prepared. A day may not be sufficient. Yet, By His grace, He gave me the ability to memorize information very fast and I was able to do my paper today which I find easy.
Now, my fourth paper is in 2 days time. I decided to testify of His FAITHFULNESS to me during this period of examinations before my last paper as a reminder to myself that He is in control of my studies right from the beginning when I decided to take up this course. Especially for this tough last semester, a lot has been going on. Yet, even in assignments, having the highest score for 2 assignments in my tutorial is a big achievement to me as my group had major conflicts this semester. Thus, I want to thank Him for His grace and mercy upon me throughout this semester before it ends.
GOD IS INDEED FAITHFUL!!!
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