a warning before you continue reading...if you are feeling down emotionally...DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER!!
at the moment, feeling emo to the top...not a smile on my face, not a positive thought, no joy, no peace...feeling emotionless, feeling low..deep in the valley, a frown on my face, no negative thoughts...just feeling numb to what's going around me recently.
with cf home...it's like a burden to me...it shouldnt be..but it is...probably because i never seeked Him for this matter...i dont know...i just find it a burden at the moment. not knowing what to decide...not knowing what to do...trying to please other peeps more than pleasing Him...it is a burden that i want to lay down at the altar.
the hands are trying to control itself from slapping a face belonging to someone so dear to me...the heart hurts for her...wanting to see her live a good life. at one hand, i want to give up on her...on the other hand, i'm not willing to give up. i still want to fight through it with her how ever disappointing i may get, how ever pissed off i may get, how ever much trouble she brings to me...i still love her like my own sister.
the heart is still hurt, yet the mind wonders how life is for that certain someone. the mind..trying to put the past as the past, and thinks of the future..yet, it still wonders to the past that hurted the heart. letting go is hard...looking to the future is hard...nothing comes easy.
looking down on my leg where the scars are still visible, the nightmare reappears. a nightmare to avoid? or a nightmare to face? a nightmare i never want to have, a nightmare i want to forget...but it just wont leave. it still haunts me. it affects my life up till today. and i hate it so much because it affects something and someone i cherish a lot in my life.
walk with Him?? i dont know what to say bout that...i feel as though there's something wrong with it...but not sure what...it's like..in good times, i do think of Him, i praise Him, i thank Him, etc...in bad times, of course i go to Him as well seeking for guidance..but it still feels not right...of course i'm not the person to decide whether it's right or not...it's just a feeling after all....
okie...i'm starting to crap now...just not in the mood for anything. had to get all these thoughts, these burdens, these what ever you call it out....it still doesnt make any difference though...gee...what the heck...
No comments:
Post a Comment