Wow...time passes very fast. 5 entries excluding this one just for the month of January. I'm impressed. >.<>
Anyway, it's the end of January and February is just 3 hours away. One month has gone and as usual...ups and downs. Generally, I'd like to declare that January 2010 has been quite a revealing month for me.
He revealed past promises, past passion, past plans...mainly the past that kept me thinking. Of course not to dwell in it..but to learn from mistakes and to renew old flames and unkept promises.
For instance, my destinied passion for dancing, the interest of being a teacher when I was younger, the promise to join mission work, the purpose I'm furthering my studies.
However, what is the next step? It is my prayer that in February, it will be another month of revealings...but revealing what are the choices I have in life related to work, family and mission.
So, am looking forward to February and achieving my not forgotten milestones... =)
Prayer
Job 38:4-6
Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it? On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone-
----------------------------------------------
Toward the end of Job, this Scripture is God's rebuke to Job's friends on their attempts to explain why good people suffer. God makes it plain that we don't even have the frame of reference for those questions. Our role is to watch our own hearts before God and come before Him with humility, knowing that some things are reserved for God and God alone.
------------------------------
Lord,
I believe you have put me here in this project for a reason. I do not have any reference to compare others with me. You made each of us uniquely and have written out our life story. You created us for different purposes and let us go through different journeys of life. Forgive me for being a green monster. Help me to be grateful. In Jesus name. AMEN
Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it? On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone-
----------------------------------------------
Toward the end of Job, this Scripture is God's rebuke to Job's friends on their attempts to explain why good people suffer. God makes it plain that we don't even have the frame of reference for those questions. Our role is to watch our own hearts before God and come before Him with humility, knowing that some things are reserved for God and God alone.
------------------------------
Lord,
I believe you have put me here in this project for a reason. I do not have any reference to compare others with me. You made each of us uniquely and have written out our life story. You created us for different purposes and let us go through different journeys of life. Forgive me for being a green monster. Help me to be grateful. In Jesus name. AMEN
Labels:
Prayer
Green Monster
Green monster is often linked to jealousy..and that is what I'm feeling at the moment.
Jealous of those....
...undergrad that has the time to do their thesis.
...that has made the right choice in choosing their supervisor.
...who have a life even though they are busy at work.
...that has the smart brain to critically analyze.
...that are able to cope with stress positively.
...who are optimistic.
...who are bold, strong and courageous.
...who won't start sobbing when problems crosses their path.
Green monster...GO AWAY!!!
Jealous of those....
...undergrad that has the time to do their thesis.
...that has made the right choice in choosing their supervisor.
...who have a life even though they are busy at work.
...that has the smart brain to critically analyze.
...that are able to cope with stress positively.
...who are optimistic.
...who are bold, strong and courageous.
...who won't start sobbing when problems crosses their path.
Green monster...GO AWAY!!!
Labels:
ergh
Thesis Breakdown
Just when I thought that I have the idea and direction for my thesis, it has to crash and crumble. What else can I do with the limitations existing?
I want to read more journal articles..yet, no time to find. When I have found, I take the time while waiting for the bus to read the articles that is relevant.
Now, it's all back to square one once again. Haiz...doing research is tough...especially at the Master standard. If I were to do PhD, it's probably going to be even more challenging.
Can I really do it???
I want to read more journal articles..yet, no time to find. When I have found, I take the time while waiting for the bus to read the articles that is relevant.
Now, it's all back to square one once again. Haiz...doing research is tough...especially at the Master standard. If I were to do PhD, it's probably going to be even more challenging.
Can I really do it???
Labels:
Thesis
Miss End of January 2010
It's coming to an end of January. Any progress? Any achievement or some sort?
Work is still work..can't seem to avoid from it. Each time when I plan to quit, it's always in the midst of some challenges faced at work. Making a decision when one is down is definitely not a wise choice.
Anyway, since the last update, the situation at work has changed a little. Thanks for all the prayers from my family and friends. As I seek advice and giving it second and numerous thoughts, this was what I came up with.
1. My main aim is to graduate with Masters within the 2 years, which is to have my coonvo in 2011. This is going to be tough with the research slowing down and with the histories of RA not being able to graduate in time. Yet, I trust in Him that I will graduate in 2011. Hence, moving on to PhD.
2. My own thesis?? Thank God for my co-supervisor. Though she is tough and quite sarcastic, she's great. Have been scolded by her before..but I don't blame her. In fact, she's helping me in my concept paper. She even praised me for my english writing, something that is motivating me and encouraging me to write for my own concept paper. At least, now, I have a direction for my thesis after all the wondering that I've been doing.
Well, in short, I'm refreshed to put my all in the research in order for me to achieve my aim. I just got to stay focus and not let any people-related problem to influence me. Just be task-oriented at the moment.
Other updates? Yea...house issue. Something that is so...disappointing, upset, hurt. It's really tough being a middle person for the sake of others. The misunderstandings that they have towards you, the faults they find in each other. I'm the type of person who does not know how to confront. Just to keep everything within till it burst and having my dearest sweetie to cope with my outburst. It's not settled, that's for sure. It's just a short term solution at the moment.
At times, I do wish I can live in my world where I do not have to care of others and not bother about anyone. Just like the 'lotus eater' that we read in our Form 4 English short stories. Yet, this is reality. To live with others in 'harmony'. Something difficult..but not impossible.
Milestone for next month:
- To appoint my supervisory committee and have the first meeting.
- To finish writing out one article for Annie.
- To present at Ethics and have their approval.
- To conduct the pilot study.
- To go to Ipoh during CNY and relax there.
Thanks to those of you that I emailed regarding prayer request!! God indeed is an awesome God. =)
Work is still work..can't seem to avoid from it. Each time when I plan to quit, it's always in the midst of some challenges faced at work. Making a decision when one is down is definitely not a wise choice.
Anyway, since the last update, the situation at work has changed a little. Thanks for all the prayers from my family and friends. As I seek advice and giving it second and numerous thoughts, this was what I came up with.
1. My main aim is to graduate with Masters within the 2 years, which is to have my coonvo in 2011. This is going to be tough with the research slowing down and with the histories of RA not being able to graduate in time. Yet, I trust in Him that I will graduate in 2011. Hence, moving on to PhD.
2. My own thesis?? Thank God for my co-supervisor. Though she is tough and quite sarcastic, she's great. Have been scolded by her before..but I don't blame her. In fact, she's helping me in my concept paper. She even praised me for my english writing, something that is motivating me and encouraging me to write for my own concept paper. At least, now, I have a direction for my thesis after all the wondering that I've been doing.
Well, in short, I'm refreshed to put my all in the research in order for me to achieve my aim. I just got to stay focus and not let any people-related problem to influence me. Just be task-oriented at the moment.
Other updates? Yea...house issue. Something that is so...disappointing, upset, hurt. It's really tough being a middle person for the sake of others. The misunderstandings that they have towards you, the faults they find in each other. I'm the type of person who does not know how to confront. Just to keep everything within till it burst and having my dearest sweetie to cope with my outburst. It's not settled, that's for sure. It's just a short term solution at the moment.
At times, I do wish I can live in my world where I do not have to care of others and not bother about anyone. Just like the 'lotus eater' that we read in our Form 4 English short stories. Yet, this is reality. To live with others in 'harmony'. Something difficult..but not impossible.
Milestone for next month:
- To appoint my supervisory committee and have the first meeting.
- To finish writing out one article for Annie.
- To present at Ethics and have their approval.
- To conduct the pilot study.
- To go to Ipoh during CNY and relax there.
Thanks to those of you that I emailed regarding prayer request!! God indeed is an awesome God. =)
WARNING!! Long Updates
WARNING!!
Due to me being MIA since Nov, this is going to be a long post to update afew many stuff that has been happening in my life lately. Updates will be in topic arrangements. So, choose which topics you'd like to read update yourself of my boring exciting life.
Recommendation!!
All topics EXCEPT work topic is recommended.
Christmas Party
Christmas party was held at my place together with my colleagues. Made pongteh and other dishes. Really had fun. A poem for them for that joyous occassion.
Ding ding dang, ding ding dang,
6 girls 3 boys, partying on christmas,
3 lovely models, 2 pro photographers,
1 cook, and 3 tiang lampus...
Gift exchange is a must,
As christmas is a season for giving,
Yet, only girls took part.
A skipping rope for exercise,
A pot to cook maggie mee,
A notebook to write notes..duh-uh
A water bottle to quench your thirst.
A pair of earrings, dangling and shiny,
A long long foldable shelf to store your clothes...
Yet, chocolates for guys,
To sweeten their mouth,
To continue the spirit of giving,
As they sweet talk to their girls.
Christmas
Christmas eve was spoiled as I had to work half day due to a meeting that I had to attend (elaborated in work topic). However, I was glad to be back home spending christmas with my family. Made pai tee for my family, uncle, aunties and cousin as well.
Presents?? Received but no giving. Not my culture somehow which is my new year resolution to change that culture. >.<
What did I get?
1) A new black long purse from my mum and sisters [finally got a purse]
2) A skipping rope from my colleague [elaborated christmas party topic]
3) A barbie doll [thanks for giving ya.. >.<]
New Year
New year eve was still workinghalf full day. Headache attacked in the evening. Had new year eve dinner at my sis's place, which Alex cooked dinner, with my dad, mum and sisters. Really yummy and delicious. =D Came back and sleep after that.
Next day, we went to watch Avatar 3D at Sunway, which people were saying that the effects were cool and nice. Yet, I totally disagree. Watching 3D is just like watching 2D..but watching 2D is even nicer. After the show, headed to Kuala Selangor for our next agenda.
Next agenda was crabs and fireflies. Sadly, no crabs were sold in any shops as somehow, not in stock. So, had seafood without crabs. Really enjoyed dinner thoughhave no crabs. After dinner, headed to see the fireflies. It was the right timing when we went though. Coz it just finished raining and the tide was high enough for us to see the fireflies without having to keep looking up at the tree. Caught a few fireflies and played with it as well. Our boatman that night somehow treated us (me,Yen,Edwin) very well. He caught for us fireflies and we were in the boat longer too. Then, it was back home.
Room Spring Cleaning
Yippie!! Rearranged my room furnitures and I like it. >.<>clearingcleaning rearranging my room, I noticed I had lotsa stuff to throw give/reuse. Should have a jumble sale and earn some $$$$. What say you??
Work
A topic that is just unbearbable to share actually. But I do know that there are some concern friends who are really concern in wanting to know what's been going on in my work that I keep not wanting to talk about. So, here goes as I randomly ramble and may not make any sense to you.
First, progress on research work is slowing down. A can be noticed mistake that can save up our time was not noticed earlier..and shooting it at us for us not taking initiative. This was what spoiled my christmas. The first time ever that really fired me up from within with much anger, disappointment, and failure feeling. I do admit that it is my fault for not arranging stuff properly. Yet, I have already passed it to you one day before for you to DOUBLE check, which you definitely DID NOT go through it till the meeting. With all the underground meetings, you never involved her in and you expect her to know why we change certain things in the questionnaire? You did not even informed her of the changes.
I decided to love you but not your actions or decisions..yet, you are making it so difficult to love you. In fact, youare have already made me traumatized of you. I dream of you asking me to do work related stuff, I fear of your emails, smses and calls. I'm terrified by how manipulative you can be.
Though I keep telling myself that God has given me this impossible made possible oppurtunity, I will not quit...you make me want to give up even more. Your personal work is NOT for us to do. With such a status, the responsibility is in YOUR hands..NOT mine.
And simply just because you are her supervisor, it DOES NOT MEAN that you can take her data set!!! She has to relunctantly give you her data set...just to save her ass from getting burnt or whacked. You claimed that you treat us like your daughters..but do you really treat us like that?? Yea...you make your daughter do your personal work as well..which I truly pity her...no freedom. Yet, did you even consider our life?? Our life is NOT merely for you and you alone. We DO NOT belong to you. We DO NOT work 24/7 like you. We want our rest.
We are so pressured by your expectations and the HUGE work load. Always on the run. Now that your health is slowing you down, even more work is given to us. Yet, I still WANT to choose to love you. But can I?? After all that you've done???
For sure I have made my mistakes. Both major and minor..which I only have myself to blame. Yet, how can you hear a clapping sound with just one hand clapping??
I do wish I can stop working under you. To be set free. Yet, I've much to learn about research work.
----
Sweetie,
Thank you for just being there for me. I know it hurts when I'm not saying a word about what I'm going through. I know you're sad when I am sad. I know you want me to be happy. And you always want what's best for me. Yet, you are so patient, never giving up. Waiting for me to pour it all out to you, sharing the joys and also the pains together. Though I am sad that now you are not here with me, I know you're always in my heart and I'm in yours.
没有一个字可以表达我对你的爱 is definitely true as actions speak louder than words. The only thing I can do to let you know that I love you...is to be strong and happy. To eat slow, to walk slow, to talk slow, to laugh slow. All for my own good. Thank you sweetie for bringing the best out of me!
Missing you with lotsa love...
Due to me being MIA since Nov, this is going to be a long post to update a
Recommendation!!
All topics EXCEPT work topic is recommended.
Christmas Party
Christmas party was held at my place together with my colleagues. Made pongteh and other dishes. Really had fun. A poem for them for that joyous occassion.
Ding ding dang, ding ding dang,
6 girls 3 boys, partying on christmas,
3 lovely models, 2 pro photographers,
1 cook, and 3 tiang lampus...
Gift exchange is a must,
As christmas is a season for giving,
Yet, only girls took part.
A skipping rope for exercise,
A pot to cook maggie mee,
A notebook to write notes..duh-uh
A water bottle to quench your thirst.
A pair of earrings, dangling and shiny,
A long long foldable shelf to store your clothes...
Yet, chocolates for guys,
To sweeten their mouth,
To continue the spirit of giving,
As they sweet talk to their girls.
Christmas
Christmas eve was spoiled as I had to work half day due to a meeting that I had to attend (elaborated in work topic). However, I was glad to be back home spending christmas with my family. Made pai tee for my family, uncle, aunties and cousin as well.
Presents?? Received but no giving. Not my culture somehow which is my new year resolution to change that culture. >.<
What did I get?
1) A new black long purse from my mum and sisters [finally got a purse]
2) A skipping rope from my colleague [elaborated christmas party topic]
3) A barbie doll [thanks for giving ya.. >.<]
New Year
New year eve was still working
Next day, we went to watch Avatar 3D at Sunway, which people were saying that the effects were cool and nice. Yet, I totally disagree. Watching 3D is just like watching 2D..but watching 2D is even nicer. After the show, headed to Kuala Selangor for our next agenda.
Next agenda was crabs and fireflies. Sadly, no crabs were sold in any shops as somehow, not in stock. So, had seafood without crabs. Really enjoyed dinner though
Room Spring Cleaning
Yippie!! Rearranged my room furnitures and I like it. >.<>clearing
Work
A topic that is just unbearbable to share actually. But I do know that there are some concern friends who are really concern in wanting to know what's been going on in my work that I keep not wanting to talk about. So, here goes as I randomly ramble and may not make any sense to you.
First, progress on research work is slowing down. A can be noticed mistake that can save up our time was not noticed earlier..and shooting it at us for us not taking initiative. This was what spoiled my christmas. The first time ever that really fired me up from within with much anger, disappointment, and failure feeling. I do admit that it is my fault for not arranging stuff properly. Yet, I have already passed it to you one day before for you to DOUBLE check, which you definitely DID NOT go through it till the meeting. With all the underground meetings, you never involved her in and you expect her to know why we change certain things in the questionnaire? You did not even informed her of the changes.
I decided to love you but not your actions or decisions..yet, you are making it so difficult to love you. In fact, you
Though I keep telling myself that God has given me this impossible made possible oppurtunity, I will not quit...you make me want to give up even more. Your personal work is NOT for us to do. With such a status, the responsibility is in YOUR hands..NOT mine.
And simply just because you are her supervisor, it DOES NOT MEAN that you can take her data set!!! She has to relunctantly give you her data set...just to save her ass from getting burnt or whacked. You claimed that you treat us like your daughters..but do you really treat us like that?? Yea...you make your daughter do your personal work as well..which I truly pity her...no freedom. Yet, did you even consider our life?? Our life is NOT merely for you and you alone. We DO NOT belong to you. We DO NOT work 24/7 like you. We want our rest.
We are so pressured by your expectations and the HUGE work load. Always on the run. Now that your health is slowing you down, even more work is given to us. Yet, I still WANT to choose to love you. But can I?? After all that you've done???
For sure I have made my mistakes. Both major and minor..which I only have myself to blame. Yet, how can you hear a clapping sound with just one hand clapping??
I do wish I can stop working under you. To be set free. Yet, I've much to learn about research work.
----
Sweetie,
Thank you for just being there for me. I know it hurts when I'm not saying a word about what I'm going through. I know you're sad when I am sad. I know you want me to be happy. And you always want what's best for me. Yet, you are so patient, never giving up. Waiting for me to pour it all out to you, sharing the joys and also the pains together. Though I am sad that now you are not here with me, I know you're always in my heart and I'm in yours.
没有一个字可以表达我对你的爱 is definitely true as actions speak louder than words. The only thing I can do to let you know that I love you...is to be strong and happy. To eat slow, to walk slow, to talk slow, to laugh slow. All for my own good. Thank you sweetie for bringing the best out of me!
Missing you with lotsa love...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)