Coming back to Malacca for the week has and is a real eye-opener for myself. I always thought I knew myself enough to be strong and to change for the better..but how insufficient I truly know myself.
For the past 2 years, I did not celebrate Christmas nor New Year Eve with my family..thanks to the busy church activities I got myself into. This year..was so different. After moving to PJ for studies, I never did like coming back home. There are just bad memories or unhappy events that were bound to happen. But..NOT this year..like I said..a real eye-opener for myself.
Originally, I was supposed to be in Ipoh for 3-4 days with YK and his family. Yet, with the misunderstanding and my mum first not allowing then allowing me to go caused so much havoc that week till the plan to go Ipoh just had to cancel. Not exactly cancel..just..another story.
So, with much dissapointment not being able to go Ipoh when I was so looking forward to it, I couldn't just stay in MS while Ker Li goes back and also the possibility of the internet connection being cut off. I had to leave for a break..a good relaxing one. And I definitely got it.
Came back, I started reading Twilight..read all 4 books in 5 days. The story taught me much bout controlling my own thoughts and strategies to apply for my always-negative thoughts bout stuff in life. It's very often that I get emotional..especially with YK..and it gets really exhausting most of the times. I'm so grateful for his always-positive views bout things which make situations more easier to handle. But not anymore, I'll so work along side with him to change my always-negative thoughts and attitude to a neutral side first. Just to balance things up in my life instead of always-negative.
Moving on, watching some of the Barbie movies, their phrases..some of them are catchy and a sense of truth in it. For example, "IT IS ONLY HOPELESS WHEN YOU GIVE UP". I've always given up easily to my emotions, letting it take control till it destroys me and the things around me that I love and care. The emotions just flare up and there is no way to cool it down except letting it flare up till the energy is gone. But, by the time the energy are all used up, much have been destroyed and there are some things that cannot even be saved. Each time this happens, I can only blame myself for not controlling the emotions.
Ironically, talking about emotions, something that I can't handle effectively yet, my Final Year Project is related to emotion and mood. Isn't that just...funny? Doing a research that I am so in need of help practically. Yet, doing a research on it opened my eyes and taught me some ways to deal with my emotions too.
All of it are much on the knowledge side though..but, I've been applying some of what I learnt from Twilight...and it really is working for me..that is when I'm not emotional. I guess I'll soon find out if I'm able to use it when I get emotional. >.<
Y3 S2 ends
Yay!! Year 3 Semester 2 has officially ended today with the final examination paper for Management Principles. Another semester to go and into the working world I go. Sounds exciting yet uncertain.
Overall, it has been interesting this semester, as all my semesters were. Starting with a new assignment group, it has been fun working together with them, LiZhen, SK, Angeline and ChinYew. There wasn't any conflicts or so..it was pure fun. However, I have to admit that I made quite a number of mistakes being the leader for the group. Mistakes in assignments which resulted in poor marks for coursework mark. Yet, a bonus for the creativity and the teamwork for the presentation.
Next stop, lecture and tutorial classes. Very different this semester for sure. Somehow, SK always end up sitting beside me..or one of the guys during tutorials. Sort of isolated myself in a good way. Still feeling uncomfortable with a certain someone though. While in lectures, for one, I sit with Angeline and LiZhen, for the other, alone with different people each lecture.
Activities this semester?? Nada..didn't join any activities or events at all. Oh wait..there is..hanging out with United Gang. Just love them. Kinda miss the fun we used to have in previous semesters though since this semester we seldom hang out with the entire group already. But, I'm glad that I gained friends and able to be a friend to some of the girls.
Interesting happenings?
Yea..loving my sweetie more everyday!!
Learning to let ZK go.
Relapse.
Attending counseling sessions.
Hopefully, my final semester will be even more exciting with my final year project and counseling practicum coming up. Looking forward to it. But before that, looking forward to the holidays.
Overall, it has been interesting this semester, as all my semesters were. Starting with a new assignment group, it has been fun working together with them, LiZhen, SK, Angeline and ChinYew. There wasn't any conflicts or so..it was pure fun. However, I have to admit that I made quite a number of mistakes being the leader for the group. Mistakes in assignments which resulted in poor marks for coursework mark. Yet, a bonus for the creativity and the teamwork for the presentation.
Next stop, lecture and tutorial classes. Very different this semester for sure. Somehow, SK always end up sitting beside me..or one of the guys during tutorials. Sort of isolated myself in a good way. Still feeling uncomfortable with a certain someone though. While in lectures, for one, I sit with Angeline and LiZhen, for the other, alone with different people each lecture.
Activities this semester?? Nada..didn't join any activities or events at all. Oh wait..there is..hanging out with United Gang. Just love them. Kinda miss the fun we used to have in previous semesters though since this semester we seldom hang out with the entire group already. But, I'm glad that I gained friends and able to be a friend to some of the girls.
Interesting happenings?
Yea..loving my sweetie more everyday!!
Learning to let ZK go.
Relapse.
Attending counseling sessions.
Hopefully, my final semester will be even more exciting with my final year project and counseling practicum coming up. Looking forward to it. But before that, looking forward to the holidays.
Childhood Friends
Dedicated to Kerrie
Childhood Friends
by Mindy Carpenter
AS childhood friends, we grew up together,
Childhood Friends
by Mindy Carpenter
AS childhood friends, we grew up together,
Swearing to be friends forever and ever.
Sometimes we would argue and fight,
Other times we would laugh and stay up all night.
WE went from playing with games and toys,
To talking and dreaming about different boys.
My thoughts and feelings, to you I would confide,
Never having anything to hide.
FRIENDS we do remain,
Things changing, and things staying the same.
To each other we still listen and share,
About each other, we will always care.
*taken from Eric's blog*
*taken from Eric's blog*
Labels:
poem
Bleeding Inside
Inside of me, the blood has started flowing yesterday towards the outside.
It has been bleeding inside for a very long time now.
It was supposed to be on a recovery pace.
But that was wrong.
Probably there was a clog somewhere that tricked us into believing that recovery was ahead.
Now that the clog has a small hole, it's flowing slowly.
When will it burst?
Then what?
All that can be done is just to cover up that hole.
Or to let it burst?
Which is worst?
It has been bleeding inside for a very long time now.
It was supposed to be on a recovery pace.
But that was wrong.
Probably there was a clog somewhere that tricked us into believing that recovery was ahead.
Now that the clog has a small hole, it's flowing slowly.
When will it burst?
Then what?
All that can be done is just to cover up that hole.
Or to let it burst?
Which is worst?
Acceptance
What is acceptance?
It comes from the root word 'accept' which has 6 different meanings according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary. What's the meaning then?
--> to receive WILLINGLY
--> to give ADMITTANCE to or APPROVAL to
--> to ENDURE without protest or reaction
--> to agree to undertake RESPONSIBILITY
--> to assume an OBLIGATION to pay
--> to receive OFFICIALLY
Putting together the words in bold, ACCEPTANCE is...WILLINGLY, ADMITTANCE/APPROVAL, ENDURANCE, RESPONSIBILITY, OBLIGATION and OFFICIALLY.
It is so difficult these days for people to accept and more personal, for one to accept. Looking from an individual viewpoint, acceptance of self is very much important. Acceptance on how we look, on how we think, how we behave, how we rationalize, how we make decisions, and the list goes on. Without acceptance, it's difficult to love one self.
From the outside perspective, it is the same. We should accept how others look, how they think, how they behave, how they rationalize, etc. Although we may disagree at times on certain aspects, but it is who they are.
We don't only define people by how the look and so on..but more importantly, they are who they are. Their makings are shaped by historical and family background, the past events, the influences. But beneath all that, they are still them.
Why is it so difficult for acceptance to exist in this era? Even in grieving, from a psychology theory, acceptance is the final stage out of 5 stages of grieving. That shows how long the journey to acceptance is..yet, important in coping with grieve effectively.
The same applies in everyone's life. In our dealings with people, before accepting people, we have to accept others. But what if we have accept ourselves, yet others do not accept us? The outcome is depends on the results of that outcome. If one still doesn't mind bout others not accepting us, then that is just wonderful. But if one minds bout others not accepting us, then, obviously that person's self acceptance is not strong enough to overcome other's acceptance towards ourselves.
Complicated. That's what I like to do best. Yet, not many people understands that. In my whole life, acceptance only comes from our family. They accept us no matter what. To extend that out to friends..yea right, they are mostly just fakes. I admit that most of the time, I try to accept my friends for who they truly are, but often, misunderstandings and conflicts happen, which just sucks.
Nothing is real any more at this moment of my life. A person's true makings is always hidden with other intentions. True acceptance will never be found in this world. True acceptance can only be found in Him. An experience I personally went through, yet, still struggling to grasp it in.
What a world..without true acceptance.
It comes from the root word 'accept' which has 6 different meanings according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary. What's the meaning then?
--> to receive WILLINGLY
--> to give ADMITTANCE to or APPROVAL to
--> to ENDURE without protest or reaction
--> to agree to undertake RESPONSIBILITY
--> to assume an OBLIGATION to pay
--> to receive OFFICIALLY
Putting together the words in bold, ACCEPTANCE is...WILLINGLY, ADMITTANCE/APPROVAL, ENDURANCE, RESPONSIBILITY, OBLIGATION and OFFICIALLY.
It is so difficult these days for people to accept and more personal, for one to accept. Looking from an individual viewpoint, acceptance of self is very much important. Acceptance on how we look, on how we think, how we behave, how we rationalize, how we make decisions, and the list goes on. Without acceptance, it's difficult to love one self.
From the outside perspective, it is the same. We should accept how others look, how they think, how they behave, how they rationalize, etc. Although we may disagree at times on certain aspects, but it is who they are.
We don't only define people by how the look and so on..but more importantly, they are who they are. Their makings are shaped by historical and family background, the past events, the influences. But beneath all that, they are still them.
Why is it so difficult for acceptance to exist in this era? Even in grieving, from a psychology theory, acceptance is the final stage out of 5 stages of grieving. That shows how long the journey to acceptance is..yet, important in coping with grieve effectively.
The same applies in everyone's life. In our dealings with people, before accepting people, we have to accept others. But what if we have accept ourselves, yet others do not accept us? The outcome is depends on the results of that outcome. If one still doesn't mind bout others not accepting us, then that is just wonderful. But if one minds bout others not accepting us, then, obviously that person's self acceptance is not strong enough to overcome other's acceptance towards ourselves.
Complicated. That's what I like to do best. Yet, not many people understands that. In my whole life, acceptance only comes from our family. They accept us no matter what. To extend that out to friends..yea right, they are mostly just fakes. I admit that most of the time, I try to accept my friends for who they truly are, but often, misunderstandings and conflicts happen, which just sucks.
Nothing is real any more at this moment of my life. A person's true makings is always hidden with other intentions. True acceptance will never be found in this world. True acceptance can only be found in Him. An experience I personally went through, yet, still struggling to grasp it in.
What a world..without true acceptance.
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