PASSION GONE

passion is a very strong emotion or an intense enthusiasm for something according to the oxford dictionary that suits todays title.

but what passion is it that i'm talking about? what strong emotions and what is that something i'm enthusiastic for??

first and formost, my passion for Him. the passion is slowly fading away...somehow. yes, i may still have the fire in me to serve Him...but it's my first love for Him that is fading away. that's the passion i'm talking about. my first love with my King. it has come to the point that all i have is head knowledge as always...but the heart...it's gone...my love passion for my King is gone....

the 2nd passion that is gone...is my dance passion...i love dancing...especially when i'm dancing for my King...but somehow...again...the passion is gone....i cant dance like how i used to anymore...the feelings, the emotions....are gone. i'm not as enthusiastic as before each time i practice a dance. and the feelings for it is fading. dancing with feelings is what my King has given to me...but now...it's dancing for the sake of dancing...which is a tiny burden on my shoulder not being able to dance with feelings.

my passion to reach out to others is slowly fading too...the tiredness of helping this special someone...is slowly eating me up. the problems faced and the consequences of helping...sometimes gets too way out. i still remember someone telling me to love the person and not the problem...yes..i do love her like my own sister...i do love them...and not their problem...but it's discouraging and sad and disappointed to see them get hurt, to see them do something you know is going to destroy their life. and yes...i know i can only leave it to Him...but like i said...i have head knowledge...and not heart....

i do have passion for many other things...which may seem small to peeps...but not to me...i enjoy my passion...that's why it's called passion isnt it? having strong emotions and feeling all enthusiastic for that something? life is nothing without passion...it brings no joy. it brings sadness, it hinders happiness from coming, it brings negativiness...

for now, all i can do...is to continue relying on my King, trusting Him to lead my way...with the head knowledge that i know...i pray He'll bring back that first love i had for Him 7 years ago....