Eye-Opener

Coming back to Malacca for the week has and is a real eye-opener for myself. I always thought I knew myself enough to be strong and to change for the better..but how insufficient I truly know myself.

For the past 2 years, I did not celebrate Christmas nor New Year Eve with my family..thanks to the busy church activities I got myself into. This year..was so different. After moving to PJ for studies, I never did like coming back home. There are just bad memories or unhappy events that were bound to happen. But..NOT this year..like I said..a real eye-opener for myself.

Originally, I was supposed to be in Ipoh for 3-4 days with YK and his family. Yet, with the misunderstanding and my mum first not allowing then allowing me to go caused so much havoc that week till the plan to go Ipoh just had to cancel. Not exactly cancel..just..another story.

So, with much dissapointment not being able to go Ipoh when I was so looking forward to it, I couldn't just stay in MS while Ker Li goes back and also the possibility of the internet connection being cut off. I had to leave for a break..a good relaxing one. And I definitely got it.

Came back, I started reading Twilight..read all 4 books in 5 days. The story taught me much bout controlling my own thoughts and strategies to apply for my always-negative thoughts bout stuff in life. It's very often that I get emotional..especially with YK..and it gets really exhausting most of the times. I'm so grateful for his always-positive views bout things which make situations more easier to handle. But not anymore, I'll so work along side with him to change my always-negative thoughts and attitude to a neutral side first. Just to balance things up in my life instead of always-negative.

Moving on, watching some of the Barbie movies, their phrases..some of them are catchy and a sense of truth in it. For example, "IT IS ONLY HOPELESS WHEN YOU GIVE UP". I've always given up easily to my emotions, letting it take control till it destroys me and the things around me that I love and care. The emotions just flare up and there is no way to cool it down except letting it flare up till the energy is gone. But, by the time the energy are all used up, much have been destroyed and there are some things that cannot even be saved. Each time this happens, I can only blame myself for not controlling the emotions.

Ironically, talking about emotions, something that I can't handle effectively yet, my Final Year Project is related to emotion and mood. Isn't that just...funny? Doing a research that I am so in need of help practically. Yet, doing a research on it opened my eyes and taught me some ways to deal with my emotions too.

All of it are much on the knowledge side though..but, I've been applying some of what I learnt from Twilight...and it really is working for me..that is when I'm not emotional. I guess I'll soon find out if I'm able to use it when I get emotional. >.<